I'M OFF TO COLUMBIA!

Go to Five Points. Enjoy the $1 Rolling Rocks at Pub. Go to the fratastic Sharky’s. Go to the Knock Knock Club/Flipside. Go to Speakeasy. You’ll thank me. Try to steal the brass orb on top of the Maxcy memorial on The Horseshoe. Visit the offices of The Gamecock at the Russell House and tell them they’re awesome, and that Wes Wolfe send his best wishes. Talk to The Gamecock‘s sports editor, Jonathan Hillyard. His parents went to Florida, and he’s a UF fan when they’re not playing Carolina. He’s also from Duluth, so he has that metro ATL thing going. Get to Williams-Brice 30 minutes before the game starts — the intro is worth its weight in gold, and Cocky is the man, erm, chicken. Watch out for drunk Carolina fans if the Gamecocks win. You’ll hear redneck-worthy cock crows.

Definitely second the Knock Knock Club, though if I recall correctly it does show up as The Knock Knock club, so pay in cash if the girl you’re sleeping with sees your credit card statements…unless she’s been to Columbia she’s not going to believe the Knock Knock club is not what it sounds like.

If you’ve never gotten drunk in a bar in South Carolina, it’s fucking weird. They have this quaint law that prohibits free pouring so all liquor comes in mini-bottles. I really just drink whiskey or vodka so it doesn’t bother me, but you end up buying about $47 worth of liquor when the Cock crazed coed you’re trying to schtupp orders a mudslide.

Under no circumstances should you go to Dr, Rocco’s. It bills itself as Columbia’s only frozen daquiri bar. What they don’t tell you is the uggo concentration is off the charts. Apparently frozen drinks made with grain are what the wildebeest set at USC uses to trap and immobilize prey.

I’ll be in Columbia for the game as well, but I’d suggest trying the Vista as well—more upscale bars(read: don’t smell like vomit) and more beers on tap, for what it’s worth. I’ll be in the ones that smell like vomit, personally.

I’ll be at the game as well. I’m leaving Louisville for Columbia in about 30 minutes.

Go Cocks!

Never been to the Palmeeto State, or at least not since early childhood. Someone who’s unbiased (or even who is biased, but at least able to analyze this a little rationally), tell me, what are the big differences between seeing a game/spending a weekend in Columbia and one in Clemson?

In one town (Columbia) the residents and students have teeth, and in the other one (Clemson), they don’t.

But maybe I’m just pissed ‘cause it took forever to visit a friend of mine at Clemson one year (it’s way off the interstate), and while I was assistant sports editor at The Gamecock I got to see the Tigers lay 63 on a Carolina team that was actually favored. I heard that Lou Holtz went into the locker room and bawled his eyes out after the game.

I am sitting in Gainesville right now ready to leave.

Can’t wait.

A lot of people knock Columbia, and let’s be honest, it’s not the greatest town in the world. Many problems, not the least of which is crime. But at least there are a couple things to do there (get drunk and get shot at), unlike Clemson, where there is nothing to do. Without counting the school, the town of Clemson tops out at 2000 people if they’re lucky. I’ve been to a couple Clemson-Carolina games up in Clemson, and it’s just not as fun as they are in Columbia, but I could be biased too.

“Watch out for drunk Carolina fans if the Gamecocks win”.

Make that win or lose. When I went in 1998 it got pretty dicey before the game, but we were Georgia boys, and the Cocks level of hatred for us is only surpassed by Clemson.

If I remember correctly, there was a bizarre chairlift thingy randomly placed in whatever field/parking lot we were in, but I was drinking heavily enough that it could have been imagined.

Have fun and be safe.

Kanu’s talking about the SC Fairground, which is right across the street from the stadium.

Yeah — the chairlift goes into full effect when the Fair’s in town, but that also means hell for parking when the midway takes up all those spots.

Nice. So I was just drunk enoough to enjoy the day and the win, but not so drunk that I was inventing random imaginary skilifts in the middle of parking lots in South Carolina like the kids you knew in HS that dropped acid and told you that he saw a Care Bears gangbang in the locker room after PE yesterday.

Thank you, Gentlemen.

So Stranko, did you feel good for Spurrier at all? I was at the game and it just didn’t feel like a normal loss. It will take a long time for Meyer to be as much a part of gator football as Spurrier still is. No one I’ve talked to understands how feelings surrounding the loss are so complicated, having lost to Spurrier. But my thought is UF would be 9-1 if Spurrier came back.