IMPROMPTU MEDIA WATCH THURSDAY: FURMAN BISHER IS VERY, VERY OLD

Probably lost on folks far removed from Atlanta, but that is hysterical.

Congrats O,

First time in a while I have walked away from EDSBS literally saying out loud “Man, what the fuck?”

and I’m a native Atlantan

Spectacular. I sometimes wonder what I’d prefer: having Terrence Moore carve his latest column on Notre Dame into my flesh with a rusty butter knife, or having to read an entire Furman Bisher column from beginning to end. No wonder Bear Bryant banned him from Bama’s practices.

I wonder: what did Furman write boring articles about before the invention of golf and horse racing?

I’m no miner but that, there, is comedic gold.

Get it? It’s a play on words.

Seriously, though, some of your writings are clearly the result of acid-induced hallucinations. And I applaud thee.

It is more the remnants of old acid induced moments.

And the fact that he read Naked Lunch at an inappropriately young age.

There is a lot more to the Furman Bisher/Bear Bryant matter. For those of you not old enough to remember, Bisher was the “journalist” who wrote an article that accused Coach Bryant and Wally Butts of rigging a game. The article appeared in the Saturday Evening Post. Bryant and Butts subsequently filed suit and were awared a sizable verdict (I believe it was in the neighborhood of $400,000 in 1960’s dollars). Bisher’s article was totally discredited. It appears he has not gotten any sharper with the passing years. Every time I see his byline, I think, “is he not dead yet??!!”

You bastard! Scadling by Crack-The-Whip is my bit! I will rip out your duodenum, deep fry it, and feed it to my main most man Sean Penn!

Start running.

Believe it or not, we’ve never done acid. We don’t know if that’s a positive or a negative given some of the things we’ve written.

The Burroughs at a tender age thing is entirely true, though a lot of gory histories read in our youth had a lot to do with it, too. Damn you, Barbara Tuchman.

Bamaleg, wasn’t that Wally Butts in the Saturday Evening Post? We’re being serious here.

Hey, Harry, any good UF grad lifts your stuff. Loved Feast of Snakes, btw.

Other exciting events Furman covered:

The Celebrated Frog Jump-Off of Calaveras County, Mo., circa 1858.

The inaugural Catherine the Great Turfway Stakes Classic, St. Petersburg, Russia. Winning jockey got a whole year’s supply of beets, winning horse got an all-expense paid weekend at the Summer Palace.

The funeral games of Hector, somewhere on a field in Ilium, circa 800 B.C.

The All-Nottingham 60-yard open archery tournament, 1192.

The attempt to get the original Handsome Dan, Yale’s bulldog mascot, to breed a successor. Unfortunately, the effort was left to wait until 1897, late in Handsome Dan’s life, when the cur was unable to move his hindlegs and had to placed in a harness in order to mount his intended paramour, in front of a large crowd gathered before the steps of the Peabody Museum. However, Handsome Dan showed more interest scratching his dewlap and drooling globules of saliva that glinted with multicolored piquancy in the winter sun, than in the pudenda of Ch. Tunbridge Jubilant Jasmine. Despite Handsome Dan being shown pornographic daguerrotypes of dog copulation, arranged in a rudimentary sequence with backlighting (a newly invented and controversial contraption called a “kineoscope”) and shielded from the light by a black box and drape that was placed over Handsome Dan’s head, the effort was eventually abandoned due to amorous indifference. It turned out Yale had to wait another 33 years for a Handsome Dan II.

Seriously, Wally Butts was the head coach at Georgia from 1939 to 1960. As I indicated in the original comment, Bisher’s accusations involved both coaches (admittedly, it would probably be more difficult for one coach to rig a game, though I suppose it is possible). Coach Bryant’s case was tried in federal court in Atlanta. It did not turn out well for the Post. I have always assumed Bisher’s continued employment was attributable to being married to the publisher’s daughter or some similar circumstance.

I did a little more research. The case was styled Bryant v. Curtis Publishing Co. Coach Bryant was represented by Frances “Brother” Hare, a well known attorney from Birmingham. The jury awared $60,000 in compensatory damages and the punitive award was “reduced” to $400,000 for a total of $460,000. I am confused (not an uncommon state of affairs) because the Georgia athletic sight indicates Butts was there from 39 to 60 but another source indicated the relevant event occurred in 1962. Anyway, it is what it is. I assume you now know more than you ever intended….

Just guessing, is the last part of the post an Atlanta Crackers reference?

No, it’s actually a Harry Crews reference, which we’re pleasantly surprised at someone getting. We live within spitting distance of their old stadium, though.

I usually found acid to be most pleasing when sitting atop the giant rock in front of Turlington Hall (GPA for you old-timers) at about 4 in the morning. Interestingly enough, the same could be said for reading Scar Lover.

Apparently some of you folks have had your tastes dilluted by the moronic “sports journalists” on ESPN.
Furman Bisher is an institution….not to mention a genius with the written word.
Gosh.

I’m just curious to know when the blow hard critic of Bisher or any of the others who are such amateur comedians have ever done anything of any greatness that they qualify themselves to be such critics?

I doubt they have or ever will. Let the man have his
accolades and keep the so called humor to yourself.
Some think you show your true character on your
sleeves and it isn’t a pretty sight.