Two masterpieces from the Onion Sports Page, each following a cardinal rule of humordom. First, making fun of Notre Dame is easy and fun like Spirograph. Second, retards are funny, and in this case, pants-wettingly hilarious. We quote:

“Creston, who was competing in the Best Freestyle Motocross Trick event, evidently panicked and began flailing his arms in response to the motorcycle’s loud noise, losing control of the Honda CRF230 to which he had been strapped, and died shortly after in a collision with another special athlete,” LAPD officials announced yesterday.