TOP TEN REASONS UF PWNS UGA
In honor of the Cocktail Party: The Top Ten Reasons UF Pwns UGA.
1. Gainesville: A Michael Stipe-free zone.
2. Gators pay lower insurance due to mullets, which lower skin cancer rates and keep hair out of eyes for safe driving; unlike universal UGA frat-boy shag, which hangs in eyes and endangers hapless SUVfuls of trashed and screaming dyed blondes yearly.
3. Actual Florida mascot wins death match with UGA–every freakin’ time.
4. Florida: cheer taken from the film Jaws. Georgia: cheer taken from The Arsenio Hall Show.
5. Frequent sideline visitor for Florida: The Nature Boy himself, Rick Flair. Woo!
6. Cheap cocaine keeps UF undergrads lean, sexy, and very, very paranoid.
7. Florida never lost a game to a man named Zook.
8. High percentage of South Florida attendees ensures “active student participation” in creating a secure UF campus. Resulting bullet holes make excellent work-study opportunities for Building Con. majors.
9. Low average participation in Greek system at Florida ensures that embarassing, drunken homosexual experimentation will be free and most likely not conducted in front of twenty “friends.”
10. Darrell Hammond: UF graduate. Debra Norville: UGA grad.
QEDMF!!!
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1
Dawgy1 says:
That’s funny. On a more serious note, The DAWGS are coming and HELL’s coming with em!
October 25th, 2005 at 12:46 pm
2
Orson Swindle says:
Ya think you can fit the entire city of Columbia, South Carolina in the back of the truck, Dawgy? We’d save that space for beer.
October 25th, 2005 at 12:51 pm
3
Dawgy1 says:
How about Starkville?
October 25th, 2005 at 1:09 pm
4
Ryno says:
I heard on thursday night they were holding a Holly Rowe look alike contest at the Landing. First prize gets 3 slabs of ribs, 50 grilled jumbo shrimp, 3 buckets of KFC, 14 bags of fun sized Peanut M&M’s and a diet soda.
October 25th, 2005 at 1:11 pm
5
Ian says:
Goldberg v. Ric Flair…why is this NOT the halftime show every year?
October 25th, 2005 at 1:14 pm
6
Pat says:
What’s funnier, that Purdue celebrates Holly Rowe, or that they made her a “Jumbo-Hero”.
Holly Rowe
October 25th, 2005 at 1:28 pm
7
Orson Swindle says:
We’re pulling for random fan karaoke: “Barracuda,” by Heart for Florida fans, “1000 Miles” by Vanessa Carlton for UGA fans. (Since UGA is White Girl University.)
October 25th, 2005 at 1:31 pm
8
Orson Swindle says:
And we love Holly Rowe’s fat ass for two reasons. One, she usually tells us something we need to know, and two, you know you wouldn’t bruise the crease of your groin going a round or two with her.
October 25th, 2005 at 1:37 pm
9
Ryno says:
My friends and I are in a constant argument as to who Holly Rowe was while she was in college.
Was she “Girl who was too chunky to get into sororities and had few friends and is now telling the world to kiss her stretch-marked ass”
Or was she “Girl who was on her knees faster than a porn star and multiple rondevous’ with Bill Curry in order to get where she is today”
October 25th, 2005 at 1:44 pm
10
Solon says:
I freely acknowledge having a huge crush on Holly Rowe. Not sure why.
Sure, she’s chunky, but I don’t give a shit–any woman who can talk CFB and has been told off by Lloyd Carr does it for me.
I thought she was from Utah. If Purdue did that shit because she reported on a game there or something, that’s pretty weak. Perhaps they are tired of their only tradition being that big ass drum, and are trying to adopt sideline reporters.
October 25th, 2005 at 1:45 pm
11
LD says:
1. We’ll take Stipe, but you’ve got to keep Stapp.. Advantage Dawgs.
2. Everyone knows insurance carriers jack up rates for ‘87 Camaros and Firebirds. Advantage Dawgs.
3. Perhaps in a death match the gator wins, but if you take it to the park you won’t be elbow deep in tang. Push.
4. True enough analysis, but remember, the shark died. Meanwhile Arsenio is living off residuals from every time TNT show Coming to America. Push.
5. As said above, Goldberg. And he actually played. With roids. Advantage Dawgs.
6. Coed nosebleeds taint (pun intended) the undercarriage. Close, but I’ll give it to the Gators.
7. Florida lost 15 games because of a man called Zook. Advantage Dawgs.
8. If you’re taking some South Floridians, you have to take them all. You might be happy about Luke and Stan Van Gundy, but you also have to take Agador and Marisleysis Gonzalez. Meanwhile, we’ve got Lil’ John, Luda, Outkast, TI, and err… the runaway bride and the meth-tramp who talked down the courthouse killer. Push.
9. UGA’s greek participation isn’t all that high either. But in my own personal experience, being present when embarassing, drunken FEMALE homosexual experimentation occurs ain’t a bad thing. I have knowledge that it does happen at UGA, will need to see proof to give UF any points. Advantage Dawgs.
10. UF: Bob Vila. UGA: Wayne Knight. You might be able to build a house. But when you control the mail, you control… INFORMATION!!!! Advantage Dawgs.
and one more…
11. UF: Sonny Crockett. UGA: Bo and Luke. Push.
So there you have it. Dawgs 6, Gators 1, 4 push.
QEMFD, MF. UR TEH SUXORS PWN3D.
October 25th, 2005 at 1:47 pm
12
Dawgy1 says:
Give em hell LD
October 25th, 2005 at 1:54 pm
13
Orson Swindle says:
LD, that’s one of the best things ever written on this site, although Stapp is really soooo UCF. PWN3D indeed.
October 25th, 2005 at 2:22 pm
14
Shane MacGowan's Teeth says:
I beg to differ. Florida lost more games to a man named Zook than any other team in the SEC.
Sic ‘em, Dawgs!!!
October 25th, 2005 at 2:40 pm
15
Orson Swindle says:
UGA: 18 percent Greek.
UF: sub 10 percent Greek.
That’s nearly double the elephant-walking!
October 25th, 2005 at 2:47 pm
16
LD says:
Count me on the pro-Rowe side of things.
Courtesy of St. Hubbins, Tufnel and Smalls:
The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin’
That’s what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or so I have read
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo
Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about bum cakes, my girl’s got ‘em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
I met her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean
My love gun’s loaded and she’s in my sights
Big game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah
Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about mud flaps, my girl’s got ‘em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
October 25th, 2005 at 2:49 pm
17
Ian says:
Sorry, LD…as much as this pains me to say this, Scott Stapp actually is from Tally-ho and went to FSU, where a couple of sorority girls conspired to deflower him after finding out he was a virgin. And they did, at least according to the disturbingly watchable Creed “Behind The Music.” The most famous Gainesville musician is Tom Petty.
October 25th, 2005 at 2:52 pm
18
Orson Swindle says:
Don’t forget Sister Hazel! Wait, we just did. For Squirrels, but after that we’re tapped for G-ville music.
Oh–Bo Diddley, too, who sucks some diddley ass in concert.
October 25th, 2005 at 2:57 pm
19
LD says:
That number is semi-right. Way more girls join than men.
Dudes are closer to 15% of undergrads. Most fraternities have between 75-100 members. Most sororities have 150-200 members.
That is, unless things have changed since I was there.
Also, that under 10% number for UF includes grad students. At UGA, when you include the grad students the greek population is around 6%.
October 25th, 2005 at 2:58 pm
20
Ian says:
For Squirrels! “Mighty K.C.”!!! Alright!
Also, I’ve been in lengthy arguments as to whether “Sister Hazel” is the most pussified band name of all time due to the fact that its constituents have to rank in the Top 5 of Girliest Words.
As for UVA, we obviously have Dave Matthews, but Steve Malkmus and Dave Berman went there, so we’ve got that going for us.
And LD’s right: the Greek system leads to three girls making out at the same time at frat parties. Theatre and a cappella groups are what spawn dude-on-dude action. What’s wrong with being fratted out all of a sudden?
October 25th, 2005 at 3:12 pm
21
Orson Swindle says:
We actually have a tangential connection to For Squirrels–they went to our high school, and the bass player was actually the AP English student of the year there two years before we were. We saw one of their last shows before the van crash killed Bill and Jack. Sad beyond words.
Fratness: gayness without the style and wit and with all of the inconveniences of hanging around a bunch of guys, Ian.
October 25th, 2005 at 3:25 pm
22
Ian says:
Where’s the QEDMF?
October 25th, 2005 at 3:33 pm
23
Orson Swindle says:
Apologies…
QEDMF.
October 25th, 2005 at 3:35 pm
24
ryan says:
LSU has Better Than Ezra… very good college-y band. And Orson- Tom Petty is incredible- a staple of my musical existance. And stop taking shots at my haircut. I’m not Greek at LSU- but many of my friends are, and I almost pledged- but money is a bit shy round my parts.
October 25th, 2005 at 3:48 pm
25
Orson Swindle says:
You’ll be better for it.
October 25th, 2005 at 3:50 pm
26
Brian says:
Sure, she’s chunky, but I don’t give a shit–any woman who can talk CFB and has been told off by Lloyd Carr does it for me.
Um. I think that was Todd Harris, who could easily be mistaken for a woman, granted.
October 25th, 2005 at 4:26 pm
27
Solon says:
Brian, I’m talking about this, from the SDSU game last season:
HR: What did the alternating of quarterbacks and running back do to your momentum during the first half?
LC: I don’t think it did anything.
HR: OK. Tell us what you’re expecting here in the second half.
LC: I’m expecting a comeback.
Not as high-profile as the Todd Harris thing, but if you saw it you know Carr was a dick about it.
October 25th, 2005 at 4:38 pm
28
Newspaper Hack says:
And we love Holly Rowe’s fat ass for two reasons. One, she usually tells us something we need to know, and two, you know you wouldn’t bruise the crease of your groin going a round or two with her.
Yes. Has everyone been thinking about this lately? ‘Cause I have. Mmm.
Ya think you can fit the entire city of Columbia, South Carolina in the back of the truck, Dawgy? We’d save that space for beer.
Now, that’s just plain mean! Columbia’s a great place. I should know. I blacked out in Five Points about three-to-four times a week for about three years. Columbia plus? More hot gals, less mullets. Woot, MF.
October 25th, 2005 at 5:48 pm
29
Stranko Montana says:
Sister Hazel is a girlie named band for sure, but it is an homage to a Nun who was known for her charitable work in the area… not sure if that ameleorates the girlie factor or not. For my money, the girliest band is Savage Garden. Gainesville also had Less than Jake which was a mild college band success, but Athens does have the B52s, now they are a manly act.
October 25th, 2005 at 6:27 pm
30
VOLPIMP says:
Damn I needed this shit today, thanks for the laughs.
October 25th, 2005 at 7:14 pm
31
Nathan says:
[ Meanwhile, we’ve got Lil’ John, Luda, Outkast, TI, and err… the runaway bride and the meth-tramp who talked down the courthouse killer. Push. ]
The hell you do, Lil’ Jon, Luda, Outcast and TI are from Atlanta, and are thus the bragging property of GT. You are stuck with the dumb white trash meth heads though, 50k of them each Saturday in Sanford and Son Stadium, with pockets full of $1 scratch off lottery tickets, an unlicensed $5 UGA hat they bought at their local gas station and their best sunday set of camos on.
p.s – Shinski’d is the new addition to the CFB vocabulary for the week.
October 25th, 2005 at 8:49 pm
32
a-town says:
love the site…even though i can not stand the gators…the top ten list was quite good…when comparing music between athens and gainsville..it is obviously not even close…tom petty is classic of course…but athens also has the classics like R.E.M, pylon and the b-52s..but in athens it just doesn;t stop…Widespread Panic, sound tribe sector nine, the drive by truckers..i could go on and on.. but i won’t
October 25th, 2005 at 10:24 pm
33
Orson Swindle says:
Good call, Nathan. T.I. can’t really go to White Girl U’s camp–neither can Ludacris, a Georgia State student in his Chris Luva Luva days.
Hear, hear, a-town–one of our complaints about G-ville as a college town was the lack of quality local music. The B-52s alone are better than anything Gainesville has cranked out.(Living in Gainesville with the classic rock station blaring “Refugee” over and over will beat the Petty fan out of anyone.)
October 25th, 2005 at 10:45 pm
34
LD says:
I’ve never seen any of those guys wear piss gold and homeless-man-Aids-lesions blue. They wear the G proudly though.
Maybe Tech can claim Panjabi MC or Shonen Knife.
October 25th, 2005 at 10:52 pm
35
Nathan says:
I would like to point that on Monday Night Countdown last night, ESPN was showing landmarks of Atlanta with the Ying Yang twins in the background … and zoomed right onto the GT on Bobby Dodd Field. I didn’t see anything ‘dawg related anywhere.
Atlanta (i.e – the part of Georgia that has joined the modern world) is GT country
The rest of Georgia (i.e – backwards a** redneckville) is UGA country
October 25th, 2005 at 11:08 pm
36
Gainesville All-Star says:
What common thread do all Athens musicians share? Their united disgust of polo-shirt-wearing, floppy-hair-in-eyes, hook-on-dirty-frayed-white-three-stripe UGA hat, snorting-daddy’s-money frat boys that book their initial gigs at the SAE house. Once any decent band could play the 40 Watt, they give the collective finger to their Greek overlords. Michael Stipe would get set on fire and crow-barred by UGA mouthbreathers from Augusta to Tifton… I doubt he leaves his house on gameday. Keep the dirty bathrooms, truck-bed conceptions and King Frog, Dawgs; you can always find work in F-L-A.
October 25th, 2005 at 11:14 pm
37
The Drizzle says:
Gosh, sorry to be so late into all of this, but sorry Nate, I’m going to have to disagree with you a little bit.
First, I think you’re welcome to the Ying Yang twins if you want them. Meanwhile, T.I., Outkast, Ludacris, Lil John, etc, may have to be associated with Atlanta proper, but umm, that doesn’t mean you get to associate them with Georgia Tech. Sad fact of having a college (that covers a 5×5 block area) in a non-college town is that it doesn’t get to lay claim to the entire culture of the town. Truth be told, the environs of Atlanta where your boys hailed from wouldn’t exactly be called GT strongholds, nor is Atlanta in general (hence inability to put 50,000 people in the stands in a city of 400,000 and surrounding suburbs large enough to easily triple that).
Anyway, long story short, if you wanted to associate those guys with any school, by their choice or by where they’ve had the biggest presence and you’re going to end up at Clark Atlanta or Morehouse or even Georgia State. But Panjabi MC would probably have an enormous on campus following at Tech.
Meanwhile, only half of my friends play scratch offs, so if that’s indicative of the entire population of the stands, then only 46,000 or so are playing at Sanford, not a full 50,000.
And Orson, god thank you for mentioning Chris Luva Luva. I used to listen that bastard on Hot 97.5 10 years ago. Ryan Cameron and hot car phone checkins and ATLiens just hitting its stride. Who knew back then he’d go on to have a rap career in which he’d quickly lose interest in making anything good so he could move on to an even more surprising career in acting. (Surprisingly good in Crash, broke to my vow to never watch a movie with him in it).
October 25th, 2005 at 11:37 pm
38
VOLPIMP says:
You mean the G in G – Unit isn’t for Georgia?
October 25th, 2005 at 11:55 pm
39
Nathan says:
For a kid who hit Atlanta from eastern North Carolina (aka – THE STICKS) as a wide eyed 17 year old in the mid-90’s, the Chris Luva Luva reference may have saved this section of comments, seriously.
October 26th, 2005 at 1:13 am
40
Orson Swindle says:
We’re still on our first cup of coffee, but we just read the words “Yin Yang Twins” and the name of a college in the same sentence. We object on the basis that retarded people do not attend college. Maybe Gwinnett Tech, sure, but who’s rocking that shirt in a video?
October 26th, 2005 at 7:45 am
41
ESMjr. says:
The heart and soul of Drive By Truckers is from Muscle Shoals. Bama gets them in the music wars.
UGA, though, can claim these bad-asses (note lic. plate on front of ride):
http://www.stuntaz.com/photos/pages/Stuntaz01.htm
October 26th, 2005 at 1:15 pm
42
Greg says:
If we really want to claim a rapper in Athens, unfortunately we have claim to the functionally retarded artist know as Bubba Sparxxx (great website by the way, I recommend the Pig Wrastlin’ game). I actually think that the Stuntaz are part of Tony Cole’s cliche. Great website by the way.
Go Dawgs!
October 27th, 2005 at 12:30 pm
43
Wendell Jones says:
Lloyd Carr sucks. Purdue sucks. I don’t know where she is from or anything else about her except that Holly is not only the best on field reporter in football, but she is a hotty! I wouldn’t mind waking up beside her every morning. She is more than “cute”, she is packed in all the right places and has an angelic face. You folks get your noses out of LC’s ass and show Holly some love.
March 10th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
44
Patrick says:
Fuck you gator fans.You seem to have forgotten the sheer dominance UGA had over the gaytors in the ’80s and previous to that.What goes around comes around gaytors you will have absolute hell to deal with in the next century.But until then…gators wear jean shorts.
April 8th, 2006 at 8:42 pm