NOT TO BE OUTDONE: OLE MISS CONTINUES POPULAR "NEGRO-SCOPE"

by Orson on Oct 18, 2005 10:40 AM EDT

Satire, people. Save us the emails.--ed.

While NC State may be catching flak for their "Mexi-cam" feature, one similar in-game feature continues to be a runaway crowd favorite at another Southern institution: Ole Miss' wildly popular and controversial fourth quarter feature, the Yella Wood-sponsored "Negro-scope."

The feature, begun on a lark in 1983 by some mischievous Delta Chi fraternity members, has been a staple of Ole Miss games for 22 years. A camera located in the press box scans the crowd, locates a couple at random, and then zooms in on them for a tight scoreboard shot broadcast to the whole stadium. Beneath their image, a graphic flashes the words "NEGROES!", usually to gales of laughter from the crowd.

"It's an honah to get put on the Negro-scope," explains Ole Miss junior Britton Locksley. "My daddy was Negro-scoped in 1986, and during last year's Arkansas game my girlfriend Brianna and I got on in the fourth quarter. I proposed to her on the spot--it was a Negro-scope first, and the whole crowd was screaming 'Negro-love! Negro-love!' "

"We'd like to point out that we're not even negroes," says Brianna Lockmondley. "That's why it's so funny. " The young blonde smooths the pleats of her sundress and pauses for an instant. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

The Negro-scope has not been without its moments of controversy. Despite careful selection, African-Americans have been selected to appear on the Negro-scope, leading to some awkward moments in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium.

"So we're just hanging out, and the Rebels are getting killed in the third quarter, and the clock winds down and all of a sudden everyone starts going crazy and patting my head and shit. I look up on the scoreboard and there's me on the Negro-scope. Sick thing was, I got happy for a second. I actually went there. Like, excited, like you know, ''Damn, I just got negro-scoped.' Everyone kinda got real quiet, though, once they realized it was a real live black dude--not just some guy in blackface or a Samoan student like they sometimes get. Everyone just got queasy and no one talked to me for a week. All in all, it sucked to be the first actual negro to go under the Negro-scope."

Awkward moments in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium.

Despite the controversy over NC State's Mexi-cam, the Ole Miss Athletic Department has stated that there are no plans to scrap the popular feature, citing other ethnic-themed features at university athletic events including Grambling's "Cracker-matic," BYU's "Melanin-spection Section," Brandeis' "Goyim-spotter," Cal-Berkeley's "Gwailo-HO!" feature, and West Virginia's "Auslander Gander."

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Are there Asian students in the Souf? I don’t see them on television if there are. I ask because stadium camera operators could start finding them in the crowd as part of an “Asian Invasion” ploy. Or how about the “Native Ameri-cam”? The “India/Pakis-cam”? What about finding some mullet- and jean-short-wearing dude for the “Trash-cam Crowd Scan”? I really think I need to get my own stadium and become the Bill Veeck of prejudice and insensitivity.

by Joey on Oct 18, 2005 11:07 AM EDT reply actions

I know this is satire, but I am afraid this might inspire an actual tradition at Ole Miss. No school embraces tradition and insensitivity quite like they do.

by Bill (from BC) on Oct 18, 2005 11:25 AM EDT reply actions

Georgia Tech would do quite well with a Caucais-icam.
Their student body has so many exchange students, they might enjoy it the moment of mirth.

They could debut it as part of “Big Badi-Ali’s Curry Showdown” which I hear will be held on campus the Friday prior to the UGA game. The smell will apparently reach Wichita.

by Ryno on Oct 18, 2005 11:59 AM EDT reply actions

HomoScope at VMI?

by Ian on Oct 18, 2005 12:44 PM EDT reply actions

HOw ’bout a nice round of “Gay? Not Gay?” in the crowd at the Cal games?

by Kevin @ Fanblogs on Oct 18, 2005 1:22 PM EDT reply actions

Holy shit, I thought you guys had copied this from The Onion.

by Brent on Oct 18, 2005 1:34 PM EDT reply actions

This may be paranoid, but we actually got an unusual amount of hits from Germany today… I hope they understand it is satire.

by Stranko Montana on Oct 18, 2005 4:17 PM EDT reply actions

As a graduate of The University of Mississippi, I take issue with this “satire”. Today’s Ole Miss is a model of tolerance and racial diversi- … oh, who am I kidding. It’s all true. We’re terrible, terrible people.

Still, you should be careful with this sort of thing. Not because you might offend people, but because you might upset The Orgeron. If He catches wind of this He will likely slaughter your children and grind them into a fine paste. He will then bake them into pies which He will feed to his team minutes before kickoff, denouncing any player who refuses to eat the remains of human children as a “fucking pussy girl”. He’s a master motivator.

by Craig on Oct 18, 2005 4:27 PM EDT reply actions

Comment of the week, Craig.

by Orson Swindle on Oct 18, 2005 9:52 PM EDT reply actions

Wow. Titus Andronicus meets CFB. Fantastic.

by Nate on Oct 18, 2005 11:08 PM EDT reply actions

Nate recognizes the worst Shakespeare play, EVER. Nice.

by Newspaper Hack on Oct 18, 2005 11:44 PM EDT reply actions

EDSBS.com—Come for the jean shorts, stay for the obscure Shakespeare and Freud references.

by rob on Oct 19, 2005 12:04 AM EDT reply actions

Wow….
And, Craig,….WOW!

by Greg on Oct 19, 2005 7:37 AM EDT reply actions

Titus has the funniest monologue ever—a woman addressing the audience AFTER both of her arms have been cut off. Like something out of Army of Darkness.

by Orson Swindle on Oct 19, 2005 9:27 AM EDT reply actions

Hardly Shakespeare’s worst play, as evidenced by the kick-ass pseudo-sci-fi Anthony Hopkins film version. My Elizabethan plot reference should not, however, distract us too much from the issue at hand – Ed Orgeron is f’ing terrifying. We need to lure Charlie Strong to Oxford and Negro-scope him 24-7.

by Craig on Oct 19, 2005 12:13 PM EDT reply actions