FARK O’ THE FORTNIGHT
In honor of leg-sweeping Cobra Kai master Al Groh:
STRIKE FAST! STRIKE HARD! NO MERCY, SIR!
October 11, 2005
WALLACE TO LEAVE TEMPLE, COLLEGE FOOTBALL WORLD UNAFFECTED
Temple head coach Bobby Wallace will be leaving Temple after this season following 8 seasons that can best be described as a failure. Can’t blame Wallace, though, they stunk before he got there and their future doesn’t look so bright either. Perhaps the Zooker could fix them.
CREEPIEST THING I’VE SEEN IN A WHILE
I guess if you haven’t had much luck with the real ladies, there are always silicone women.
Yes, people really do plunk down 7 grand to have a girlfriend that doesn’t complain about watching too much college football.
Click more for a few not safe for work pics provided to add extra creepy value to the post and keep our “Man Show” like image.
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SEND AL GROH AN EMAIL.
Alert reader Ken sent us the relevant email addresses for Al Groh and DA Craig Littlepage of UVA, who you may want to send your unkind regards to regarding their piddly one game suspension of Brad Butler, the cheap shot shitbird who could have ended Mathias Kiwanuka’s playing career on Saturday.
Al Groh email: amg4v@virginia.edu, amg6f@virginia.edu
Craig Littlepage email: ckl9e@Virginia.EDU
I sent them a little note about this player disgracing the school, disgracing the alumni, and disgracing the football program. I’d suggest you do the same.
If you need motivation, watch this again.
BLOG POLL BALLOT
Even Texas Tech has played a respectable opponent by now, so we are finally learning where everyone should fall in our Blog Poll ballot.
Texas Tech fans celebrate the fact that the Red Raiders played a Division I opponent.
HOLY SHIT! KENNY ROGERS!
Lucky sons of bitches: the halftime entertainment at the UGA/Tennessee game? Kenny fuckin’ Rogers, the star of Six Pack, notorious beard waxer, and creator of the wildly successful Gambler series of tv movies, including Gambler 9: The Napping. Did he do “Love Will Turn You Around?” How about “Lady,” sung in the direction of Phil Fulmer? Did he welcome everyone to Harrah’s Cherokee Casinos in a scotchy haze before launching into “Lucille”? Paul reports that he did sing two songs with the mike turned off, which we’d have given our left foot to have seen.
Hello, Caesar’s Indiana! I mean, Knoxville!
We’re obviously not living right, since the halftime entertainment at the MSU/Florida game was what our halftime entertainment always is: a three-song set from house band Night Ranger. (Actually, they’re not the house band, they just won’t leave, and have taken up permanent residence beneath the North Endzone.) Our only hope of displacing them is their eventual eviction at the hands of Gainesville natives Sister Hazel, the band you call for when Hootie and the Blowfish is just too black for you.
ALWAYS CRASHING IN THE SAME CAR
Good news: Oklahoma probabaly doesn’t have an automatic spot as the Washington Generals of college football in this year’s national championship game.
Bad news: the BCS is more screwed-up than ever.
MAD MONEY RECAP
Who’s hot? Who’s not? The bulls and bears are everywhere this week in our EDSBS Mad Money review.
“If you’d bet on Minnesota choking you’re eating the giant invisible hoagie of disappointment baby I’m hearing-oooooohhhh yeahhhhh–BULLS FOR GLEN MASON AND THE GOPHERS BUY BABY BUY BABY YEAHHHHH!!!”
Stranko’s Buys:
Penn State: I missed the boat on them last week when I made them a sell figuring they had peaked for the year. Well, they proved me wrong and showed that their defense makes them a contender and they have just enough offense to win any game they are in this year…. not that they will, but at least now I believe they can.
UCLA: Drew will be sitting in Manhattan in December. He’s a dynamo who propelled UCLA to a huge victory over Cal.
Orson’s Buys
Michigan State Drew Stanton is the nationwide leader in passing efficiency rolling into this week’s matchup with an Ohio State team that has simplified the complex game of football by eschewing the troublesome concept of offense altogether. The defense is Roman gladiator badness, but the blueprint for Buckeye football ‘05 is set: play close and lose. Didn’t Corso and Herbstreit pimp the hell out of these guys for the MNC? Shouldn’t we remember that come pundit-roundup time?
Texas Tech . Benefitted from the mother of all lineman fantasies gone horribly awry when nose tackle Le Kevin Smith made un grand mistake by fumbling un pick from from Msr. Cory Hodges during a tres ill-advised retourne. The Huskers’ faithful was truly a bout de souffle a few seconds later as Texas Tech then threw the game-winning TD with ten seconds left on the clock. Wethinks team luck and scheme can carry this charmed team through a home game with grumpy, underachieving Kansas State, keeping Mike Leach munching happily on his KFC for yet another week. The real question is this: does Leach even know his team’s record at this point? Does he care?
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ONE GAME FOR SLIMEBAG BUTLER
Al Groh, shrugging his shoulders and mumbling, suspends cheap shot artist Brad Butler for his savage, craven hit on Mathias Kiwanuka after the whistle this weekend… for one fucking game. When people look for the instant Al Groh lost his grip on this job, they’ll cite Brad Butler as the beginning of the end. 6-5 looks a lot worse when your players are kneecapping the opposition after the whistle.
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