DADA LIVES ON THE OHIO RIVER!

It looks like the “Good Egg – Bad Egg” Lever from the original Willy Wonka movie. Unfortunately here, though, our only choices are “Bad Egg (Cincy) – Worse Egg (Pitt)”.

I think they did a good job, actually. The thing expresses everything you could possibly want to get across about the new Big East and the UC and Pitt football teams: “It’s like a three hour car wreck. Just try to look away.”

Gotta love how they hid a geography lesson right into the trophy with the little “You are here” ping pong balls. Who says UC doesn’t educate their athletes.

Before I crown this the ugliest trophy though, I still see want to see the Montana/Montana St. rivalry “Grizzly-Bobcat” trophy.

How awesome does this sound?

Close to 3 feet high, about 31/2 feet long and 2 feet wide, the bronze depicts a grizzly bear and a bobcat grasping the side of a craggy mountain in an attempt to reach the football that sits on top.

I think it looks like an elaborate, special edition Connect Four set. And just like our contemporary attitudes toward Connect Four, no one cares about either of those teams. Well, I shouldn’t say that; I care about Pitt. Tracking Wannstedt’s failures has become one of the five things my life is most about, up there with glorifying David Stern, contributing to a mostly exaggerated persona for Ed Orgeron, dealing with the emotional roller coaster that is Michigan, and preparing for a Ghostface concert on Sunday.

This looks like someone setting up a game of Mouse Trap without reading the instructions first.

this is a bit contrived, however being from Cincinnati I have learned to hate Pittsburgh and most anything Pennsylvania a lot. We don’t hate Pittsburgh as much as Cleveland does but what do you expect from a bunch of bitter ass holes on a lake?

Think about the possiblities though of the dramatic end game celebration… where the game’s MVP flips the switch lighting the beacon of light that is the River Rival Trophy for their team. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it.

Is it just me or is calling someone an “ass hole” SOOOO much more insulting than just calling them an “asshole”? It’s like you’re referring to them as the actual physical hole in the ass, rather than just calling them a prick. I love it. Intentional or otherwise.

I had to squint and stare PAST the trophy to see the “shore of the Ohio River” part of it… for awhile I just thought it was a diagram commemorating Bob Huggins’ walk back to his car.

Other, more famous and important rivalries:

1) Corky vs. his brain
2) New Zealand vs. Argentina during WWII
3) Spears vs. Agulerra
4) Donkey Kong vs. Mario
5) The two teams in “Arch Rivals” basketball video game
   from the 80’s
6) Steam vs. Electric vehicles (only applies in 1906)
7) Oprah vs. fat
8) Homer Simpson vs. The ’Ol 96er

I think that a new trophy with Pitt vs. McKeesport High should be created. This could be the Cross-Tracks trophy. The two teams would be equally matched. Pitt sucks.

I assuming that the winner gets to crank the throttle on the top of the trophy over to the appropriate side.

It’s space age design AND interactivity!

We love you all. LOL at every comment—especially yours, Tony. Drunk driving is always funny.

Thanks, Orson… Bob Huggins happens to be a personal favorite of mine. So much so that I got a comment once asking me to “leave UC basketball alone”.

If the winner of the trophy plays well enough, the weird dial on the trophy will light up and allow the head coach to press a series of buttons and pull some hidden levers on the trophy and, similar to the puzzle cube in Hellraiser, if the right sequence is entered, the winning team will be featured at 3 a.m. on ESPN2 when all the fans of real football conferences are drunk enough to watch these teams play (if and only if there’s nothing good on Adult Swim). Huzzah!

Impressive, Stephen.

I like that it features the conference logo in the middle (and more prominently than the logo of either school involved) in order to remind everyone why this is a rivalry. That Big East conference seal of approval gives this trophy legitimacy and shows everyone that this just as important a college football rivalry as the army/navy game.

While the Baul Bunyan trophy is not as amateurishly crafted as this fine piece, it is stupefyingly hideous and may give this thing a run for its money in an ugly rivalry trophy contest (I think it wins most homoerotic hands down).

Dear lord, that thing is a monstrosity. Could they have crammed any more shit on that thing? I’d be embarrassed to turn something like that in as a Sculpture 101 project, much less have it seen in public.

Not to mention, you don’t see conferences slapping their logos on the Golden Egg, the Victory Bell, and the Little Brown Jug. What a bush-league, C-USA-style tactic. Welcome to the new, improved Big LEast!

If I ever form a rock band, do I have your permission to name it “The Pennsylvania Glory Shiv”?

Dali was a surrealist, not a dadaist.

We did mix our references up here—Marcel Duchamp, a big daddy Dadaist, with an avowed Surrealist, Dali. There is confusion there, but it was also an excuse for us to post Dali’s magnificent mustache on a Wednesday. Duly noted.

Welcome to 7th grade shop class, boys and girls. Unfortunately, due to severe budget cuts, the only materials we have this semester are what we managed to Dumpster-dive. Your first assignment is to create a decorative “conversation piece” using lollipops, this old Connect Four board, a piece of driftwood and a cattle scale.