GeorgiaSports (piloted by the inimitable Paul Westerdawg) offers up his suggestions for the sponsorship deal soon to be attached to the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. We humbly submit our own suggestions for appropriate sponsors:

1. Cialis: Like these two teams, for those who have trouble putting it in when it counts.

2. Oxi-Clean: Busts even the most stubborn daiquiri vomit stains!

4. Dockers: For the soft-assed middle-aged man in you.

3. Flowbee: Official Hair Care Product of Jacksonville and The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.

Thin-skinned Matt Hayes goes light on the Lithium today and takes it out on this guy for no good goddamned reason. We know Hayes has a weird, Andy Kaufman-esque relationship with his audience, but this is just being a dick–and we don’t even like Seminole fans. We’ve sent him (the letter writer) an email to see what the hell was up with this.

Dick.

Continued! Martin Carey, the aforementioned emailer who Hayes went ballistic on, writes back with his response.–ed.

Sure. To be fair, here are Matt’s opinions and my replies:

First, “The One and Only” controversy:
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We’ve licked our wounds and moved on from the Alabama beat down. Now we can assess the college football landscape again. On to the Blog Poll!

We’ve surveyed the college football landscape… and it isn’t pretty.

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Two redshirt Beaver freshmen, Michael Marks and Gregg Peat, have been charged with giving alcohol to Lance Strickland’s and another man. Strickland, who is not an OSU student, was later found dead in an empty dorm room over labor day weekend with a BAC of 0.43.

As a welcome distraction from events of the past few days, we thought we’d toss a few of our favorite sports books out there and see what stuck in the minds of our readers. We have to do this since Brian seems to have cornered the market on happy internet kitten therapy in the wake of a loss.

Kittens can only do so much, especially when you’ve just punted one off a bridge following a loss.

Sports books, on the whole, have really neglected college football: they generally come in one of two less-than-satisfying categories, the glossy coffee table book (Southern Fried Football by Tony Barnhardt, for example,) or the panegyric variety (just about any book ever written about Vince Dooley in our local bookstores, the quotable Spurrier, or Bruce Feldman’s Cane Mutiny.) There are a few exceptions, of course–Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, our favorite hands-down in terms of writing and capturing the gestalt of college football, or John Feinstein’s A Civil War, a moving portrait of the Army/Navy rivalry. But for the most part, we tried to shy away from the twin poles of huge, photo-stuffed drink coasters and ball-sniffing coach worship manuals and focus on good writing and good stories, even if they don’t involve God’s Chosen Sport. Extra points were awarded for quality gossip and personal anecdotes.

1. The Boys of Summer, Roger Kahn. The saddest book we’ve ever read. Seriously. Sadder than Anna Karenina. Sadder than Hamlet. Sadder than Old Yeller getting shot in a rewritten version of the film by Shane, who’s then shot by Jack Palance, who then pulls the plug on Hillary Swank as a paralyzed boxer before running over Walt from The World According to Garp. Beautiful, too: baseball, sex, death, age, and a paralyzed, tragic Roy Campanella. This and Kahn’s article on Roberto Clemente following his death are the Serena Williams Golden Ass Standard for sportswriting.

2. Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer. We saw it up close and personal this weekend, and all we can say is that Warren’s accuracy in depicting football-mad Alabama fans is sniper-scary. That he managed to be funny at the same time is a testament to his prowess as a writer.
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Tennessee linebacker Daniel Brooks, who was one of the 13 off-season arrests of Volunteer players this year, was dismissed from from team yesterday. Brooks was suspended for the first three games of the season following an arrest for driving with a suspended license following an accident. No further details were provided.

…IS FINALLY HERE, thanks to Chris Lawrence of Signifying Nothing. Now if we only knew what the hell a codec was, we’d be able to watch it. Damn our gin-addled brain…

Bet he doesn’t know what a codec is, either.