Everyday Should Be Saturday

October 3, 2005

FINEST OF OURS: THE ROUNDUP

–Boi From Troy proves to be a man of his word, losing a bet to Warren and starting Brodie Croyle’s Heisman website. That check from the University of Alabama is not on the way, by the way, but take comfort in gazing at all the nice pics of Brodie’s adorable, floppy hair.

Do you know who I am? More proof that Washington D.C. is Hollywood for ugly people.

–Is the SI curse transmissable through cable modems? Student Body Right may have compelling evidence suggesting this.

–Not buying in on undefeated Nebraska? Neither is Joe or Scarlet Fever.

–We’d like to establish our own weekly award: The Bezruchka Award, named after author and physician Stephen Bezruchka, M.D. The recipient will be the team who endured an experience most like that described by Bezruchka in The Pocket Doctor’s chapter on “Animal Confrontation:”

If the unspeakable happens, and results in the unthinkable, it is probably best not to struggle. People who have survived lion attacks state that the beast should be allowed to chew on an extremity in the hope it will lose interest.

For our inaugural winner, we’d like to nominate our own beloved Florida Gators, who endured just such an attack this weekend.

Maybe it’ll lose interest if you calm down…

CRUEL GOD, PART 4564345

Not fair.

HEATH SHULER FOR CONGRESS

Former Vol great and NFL bust Heath Shuler has announced his intention to run for a Congressional seat in the western region of North Carolina. Democrat? Republican? Who cares… he’s a football player. Besides, you can’t tell from the website, but we do know he’s running on a platform of “taking Western North Carolina values to the House of Representatives”.

TUSCALOOSA: BBQ NACHOS AND MAGNIFICENT MULLETS

We always wondered, driving down I-20 and crossing onto the pockmarked highways of the Magnolia State, Yellowhammer State exactly what paying taxes did for Average Joe Alabamaguy. After this weekend, we know: money goes to football, rvs, racin’ and little else. Passing Talladega on the way in was awe-inspiring: a fleet of RVs so thick that we could have pulled over and walked from RV to RV without touching the ground covered the half-mile of ground between the interstate and the massive track. What we saw on the way back was even better: a troop of gumball-light equipped police ATVs racing through the gulches of RVland, no doubt on their way to arrest someone who was shirtless, drunk, sunburned, and knew every word to “Flirtin’ With Disaster” by Molly Hatchet.

The scene in Tuscaloosa was as good as it gets football-wise. Warren was right in his book–fandom means something else in Alabama, something between a religion and a form of government. Really, at one point in 1974 or so, Bear Bryant could have declared a Republic of Football in Alabama and no one, George Wallace included, could have objected. A gridiron ayatollah still seems to be a possibility there, provided Shula keeps the good work up.

The pictures speak better of the wonders of Tuscaloosa than we can. Enjoy:

Blurred video from the Paul W. Bryant museum. The Houndstooth Hat was everywhere and was easily the most popular fashion accessory around.
(more…)

THE ABCS OF HOW TO LOSE 31-3

A is for arrogance, which the fledgling Meyer staff showed by not attempting to game plan specifically for Alabama and their personnel. No special attention was paid defensively to wonder waterbug Prothro, and no adjustments were made against the vicious rush of Alabama.

B is for Batted Down. Joe Kines basic but brilliant defensive plan included a fact a lot of SEC coordinators still bafflingly refuse to emphasize against UF: Chris Leak is short, and if you stay in his passing lanes, you can jump and bat a few down. Or up, in this case, leading to Alabama’s second TD and an ominous 14-0 lead early in the 1st quarter.

C is for Chris Leak, who had the worst game of his life on Saturday. Really, it would take some kind of Job’s weekend to equal what happened to him in Bryant-Denny Stadium in three and a half hours: boils, the smiting of his whole family, total ruin, etc… As an accessory, you may as well toss in “Controversy, as in qb,” since the square-peg theorists on the message boards have already cranked up the Josh Portis rumors.

D is for Defense, which Alabama has got by the bushel. Nasty, physical, and disciplined, they did whatever they wanted to, which in our case was strangle the Gators on the run and hammer receivers on those dink routes all day. Without any attempt to stretch the field by Florida, the secondary and linebackers could play Rochambeau with Florida’s ball carriers all day.

E is for E-fucking-gads!. The worst loss since the stupefying 36-7 home loss to LSU in year one of the Dark Times (2002). The worst loss we’ve seen in person since the ritual sacrifice of a fleet Spurrier team to Tom Osborne’s steroid bastard Huskers in the Fiesta Bowl in 1996. It could have been wayyyyy, wayyyyy worse, too, but Shula shut the O down and told jukey Kenneth Darby to take it easy on the Pop Warner squad playing in orange and blue.

F is for Fuck, which Stranko said about 38 times in the third quarter.
(more…)

ALABAMA KILLS GATORS, BRADY QUINN GIVES SIGH OF RELIEF.

First, let me start on a positive note by saying how impressed I was with the fans at the University of Alabama. They tailgate well and without the pretense of silverware (yes, I’m looking at you Oxford, Mississippi) and were passionate about their team yet always polite. I had fans before the game wish us luck and for a good game, which does not happen in Gainesville or Knoxville in my experience. I had fans tell me they hoped to see us again in Atlanta (who can blame them, considering their dominance). I even had one guy tell me how much he missed Steve Spurrier as coach of the Gators and lamented the fact that Spurrier wasn’t prowling the sideline of this game, even if it meant a Bama loss. I also got to meet the man, the myth, the legend, Warren St. John. So Tuscaloosa, I thank you.

Now for the painful part.

(more…)

©2008 EveryDayShouldBeSaturday.com - Privacy Policy
EDSBS is proudly powered by WordPress
The page was generated in 0.666 seconds with 26 queries.
Sevenpixels