Sunday Morning Quarterback is back with a vengeance after Katrina, forecasting the whole weekend’s slate of games with panache. Of particular interest to this blog is his forecast for the UF/Bama game:
‘Bama’s defense is too good for a break out-type day from Leak, but the Gator offense will make some hay and the Tide will give up some turnovers that can lead to points. Close for a while, but the game will end with Brodie being just pounded by the Gator pass rush while trying to lead a hopeless comeback. Fourth quarter=Croyle Injury Watch.
As we showed yesterday, sometimes the press goes a long way to help young players out when they run their mouths off in front of the media before a rivalry game. Today the media–that damned mainstream media!!!–censors a football player’s remarks to protect them again, this time excerpting a sterile nugget of boilerplate from the colorful remarks made by Alabama Crimson Tide linebacker Juwan Simpson.
EDSBS sources have again given us the unexpurgated transcripts of his remarks, which follow the bowdlerized quotes seen below.
Juwan had a few things to say about Leak that you didn’t get to hear, including a detailed description of Chris Leak’s fondness for applesauce.
> Bama LB Juwan Simpson on QB Chris Leak: “I don’t see what’s so special about this kid. He’s a good college player, but I don’t think he’s any different than Brodie Croyle. If you let him sit back there, any college starter should pick you apart. I don’t see anything that makes him Superman.”
Now for what Juwan Simpson actually said:
“I don’t see what’s so special about this kid. Notice what I just said. He’s a special kid. Special like eating applesauce with a fork with a cork on the damn end. Special like listening to Michael Jackson’s albums after Bad. Special like Timmy, y’all. (Screams in ‘Timmy’ voice.) CHRISSAY! I’m bringing a short bus for his ass on Saturday and parking it on his forehead. Beep beep, bitches. Time for your applesauce, you second-rate Vin Diesel look alike. He’s a good college player, but I don’t think he’s any different than Brodie Croyle. Except Croyle doesn’t like applesauce or Michael Jackson and after Saturday he won’t be bleeding from his special little ears when this short bus driver comes calling. Brodie’s got better hair, too. Chris keeps it short. You know just from looking at him that he would have had the flat-top thing going for him if this was 1991. Brodie’s got that white-boy frat shag thing going on, which works for him, I guess. Dude’s got so much mileage with women he carries a AAA card for his dick. If you let him sit back there, any college starter should pick you apart. Unless you’re an apple-sauce eating, flat-top wanna-be wearing retard. We’re thinking of playing “Beat It” over the PAs just to see if he gets so excited he pees his pants and drops the ball. I’ve seen a retard do it. I don’t see anything that makes him Superman. Unless you’re talking about wearing tights and calf-high boots. I bet he does that. Just goes out in tights and red calf-high boots dancing to Michael Jackson and the Backstreet Boys playing on his “My First Boom Box” for retards on a street corner in Gainesville. People be throwing money and shit at him while he sings “Leave Me Alone” or “Remember the Time.” I might come down and throw a dollar at him after the season like this– (makes motion of peeling off dollar bills and throwing them, giggling to himself)”
Chris Leak’s role model, according to Alabama linebacker.
Delayed answers to this week’s Blogpoll roundtabling, found this time at ParadigmBlog.
In between attempting to kneecap old biddies wearing Michigan State gear on the street, Brent asks us the following questions of the non-burning variety:
1. We are now 1/3 of the way through the season and things are starting to shake out. With that in mind, who are your picks to win each of the BCS conferences, as well as your choice for an at-large berth from a non-BCS league (none is an option)?
ACC: Virginia Tech. Rippin’ and rompin’ and scaring the poop out of everyone in the conference at this point.
Big 12: Texas Longhorns. A tasty dinner AND the most compelling Mack Brown team yet thanks to Gene Chizik’s baby thug D. Bevo wants a veggie burger. (more…)
Josh Crockett of Fanblogs–who comes clean and owns up to being a massive Virginia Tech fan–says going to Morgantown isn’t even worth the trip anymore thanks to the violent Mountaineers fans and their version of Appalachian hospitality.
As someone who’s been spit on–twice!–in Knoxville, had part of a seat from Sanford Stadium thrown at our head (explains some of our posts), and been shot at at a high school football game in Murfreesboro, TN, you need to put on your Hokie-high heels and go watch the game. What kind of world is it where a few burning couches and loogies tossed your way prevents you from going to cheer for your team? The World Cup features teams whose nations have actually killed each others’ citizenry in recent history, and even they show up. (Albeit with heavier security than you might get at an Internazionale game, for example. )
It’s a cheap slap to paint all West Virginia fans as couch-burning rednecks, too, as many of the comments beneath the post echo. Some of them, we know for a fact, are degreed, intelligent, hard-working couch burners, and are probably purchasing lighter fluid and scouting the Goodwills and Salvation Army stores of Morgantown for suitable apholstered tinder at this moment. Should the Mountaineers pull the upset, we hope for nothing less than orderly chaos and carefully placed Broyhill bonfires across Morgantown.
All of it–the screaming rednecks, the couch burnination, the insults and yes, spitting–adds up to far less than the unequivocal heavyweight champeen of hardass sports environments: a soccer riot in Afghanistan at a match between Afghanis and Green Berets. A night game in Morgantown is patty-cake with velvet slippers on in comparison.
Nation-building meets soccer: feel the love!
CNNSI’s Stewart Mandel trots out his regular mailbag feature again. In his piece, he chronicles the disappearing act done by several young promising players. It is a must read for at least this classic line:
Tennessee QB Erik Ainge: Why did he wait until his sophomore year to start making freshman mistakes? Admittedly, Philip Fulmer’s constant yo-yoing of his quarterbacks probably hasn’t helped the kid’s confidence, but that interception Ainge lobbed out of his own end zone on Monday night looked like something straight out of a Chris Rix instructional video.
Loading ...
