MINCEY TRASHES ALABAMA, CRAPS ON PICTURE OF BEAR BRYANT

Defensive end Jeremy Mincey proved to be a lively quote in Florida's press conference on Monday. Actually, he proved to be several lively quotes, especially when asked about Alabama's defensive talent.

To wit:

Mincey: “I would say Tennessee has more talent than Alabama, both sides of the ball. Alabama has a good defense, but I’d still say Tennessee has more talent.”

Mincey: “Tennessee’s (offensive line) was big and athletic and we came out and played them pretty good. We were a couple of mistakes from beating the crap out of (Tennessee). We were a couple of missed assignments from beating them pretty bad. The funny thing is we’re going to get better and better.”

Mincey: “Our defense, if we come out with the right state of mind, playing hard, we should come out with a good victory. I can’t say how (good). The way our defense has played the last four weeks, anything is possible. It could be a blowout or just a regular victory.”

Writers sometimes do a favor for young, reckless recruits by editing their somewhat rash remarks. According to EDSBS sources, this happened in this instance, as Mincey actually went further in his Bama-bashing than was reported. An unexpurgated transcript of the above remarks is reproduced below:

Mincey: “I would say Tennessee has more talent than Alabama, both sides of the ball. I'd say Tennessee had better ham, too, but I haven't eaten any ham in Alabama. I bet those pigs are dirtier than the law allows there. Won't catch me eating no Alabama ham. That's filthy meat there. Alabama has a good defense, but I’d still say Tennessee has more talent. And they're not total, girdle-wearing, filthy ham-eating bitches like Bama. What! Huh! Yeahhhh! ”(Breaks table in two, calms down, retakes seat.)

Mincey: “Tennessee’s (offensive line) was big and athletic and we came out and played them pretty good. Bama's offensive line? Bitchety bitch bitches. Like the synchronized swim team with helmets on. Might as well play some Yanni or some other shit while they're playing--I bet they don't even take their swim caps off before they come on the field. Humming "My Heart Will Go On" in the huddle--shit... We were a couple of mistakes from beating the crap out of (Tennessee). We were a couple of missed assignments from beating them pretty bad. The funny thing is we’re going to get better and better.What I'm trying to say here is that we're not even gonna play a third quarter. We might have to roll up the turf and take it home for fertilizer. I might have to steal Shula's clipboard and the old Archie comic books he's got clipped to it and sell 'em to some fat geek for ten bucks. We might be finding Brodie Croyle's collarbone on "Antique Road Show" next week. I might be wearing a red and white swim cap I stole off one of those synchronized-swimming lineman they got. We're gonna straight murder that ass. What!” (Throws chair through window, snaps Sunshine Network boom mike in two, calms down and sits on the floor.)

Mincey's view of the Bama line.

Mincey: “Our defense, if we come out with the right state of mind, playing hard, we should come out with a good victory. And by good victory, I mean bad loss, like the kind where you get your swimcap stolen and your coach comes home to clean my pool at the end of the day while I make sweet love to his wife on the sofa. Wearing that punkass swimcap just for fun while I do it, too. You hear me Bryant! We're comin' for your ass!

And with that Mincey produced a portrait of Bear Bryant, placed it on the floor, and defecated on it before screaming "WHAT!" and leaving the room for class.

Never say the press doesn't give the team a break every now and then.