While we’re debating the etiquette of hanging golf scores on opponents…Boi From Troy responds to a columnist’s charges of classlessness against Pete Carroll after USC’s third stringers couldn’t help but score against Arkansas’ weeping defense on Saturday.
Click here to see the whole thread of masterworks. (Much needed hat tip to Georgia Sports, the Onion of SEC football.)
Bill Curry on Saint Danny post-Katrina. There’s a reason he’s at the top of the site.
John L. Smith, wait for the attack of boils. Flint, brace yourself for the swarm of locusts. Drew Stanton, a smiting could be in your future. You’ve profaned God’s turf, and you will pay. Remember Raiders of the Lost Ark? The melting faces? The divine wrath? Yeah, like that, but worse since it’s all going to come in the form of Charlie Weis dishing out the pain…shirtless, with the vengeance of God shooting purple lightning from his manboobs.Thank us for the nightmares later. (For a great, great De Profundis for Notre Dame fans following the loss to MSU, look no further than Dylan’s piece at Blue-Gray Sky.)
We’re a bit ambivalent about overly dramatic rivalry taunting. For example: Florida and Florida State seem to enjoy stomping on each other’s logo, which precipitates a mob showdown at midfield, then degenerates into a pregame fight where players fruitlessly slap each other in the helmet, which then gets one or two players kicked out, and yields little but the sour, polar doubting of “Would the game have been different if (idiot thug on our team/their team who kicked their/our waterboy in the nuts) had been in the game?” The only positive thing we’ve seen as a result of these types of pregame fights was the image of Florida linebacker/pig wrestler Channing Crowder two years ago going helmetless into the fray of a full-on football fight and seeing all the FSU players back away from him like he’d just rolled in a fresh vat of bubonic plague. (It’s great to see FSU’s players–often graduates of the Florida Sherriffs’ “Boys Ranch”–pronounce a Florida player as too crazy to fuck with. Almost worth three years of purgatory to see.)
But Michigan State had to do it. Just. Had. To. They don’t beat anyone else with any consistency save the Irish–the holy, prestigious Irish, who for one reason or another get into shootouts they can’t win with the Spartans. And that’s how the flag ends up on the field, the letterman ‘S’ jabbed into the heart of Notre Dame’s field. The one Rudy made a tackle on. The one where Lou Holtz played Tony ” Eye Kant Reeed” Rice to the tune of a national championship. The one Beano Cook would ingest, piece by tasty piece, if he were given the option.
That’s how you order yourself up a piece of smoking hell, Spartans. You’re gonna lose to them eventually, and if you’re okay with Weis throwing 70 times on you in a 70-21 decimation of your team in the next year or two, go ahead and bring the flag next year, too–and be sure to tell someone in the press about it. Some teams live and die this way–Spurrier, boiling in the flames of the Nebraska Cornhuskers’ 62-24 defeat of the Gators in the Fiesta Bowl, screamed across the field at Tom Osbourne when the coach started taking knees late in the fourth for him to keep pounding the scales off his team.
But if you’re gonna fly, remember: gravity’s a motherfucker. And Weis? The elephantine girth surely comes with a commensurate memory. Lucifer gets as Lucifer gives. Translation: recruit cornerbacks–now.
We all did foolish things in our youth. Some of us took pictures.
CNNSI’s all over the flash silliness with their play of the week, Jonathan Hefney’s fumble of a UF punt in Saturday’s game.
Uberprep qb Josh Portis is the new “other woman” for UF fans grumbling about Chris Leak’s awkward debut in the spread option. Pat Dooley gives a reality check in today’s column, along with a stat some may forget: Leak is 11-5 in SEC starts.
Has Craig James had a stroke? Is there something about being a former SMU running back that renders you unable to string words together in a coherent manner, much like his fellow media member/on-air performance artist Eric “Mushmouth” Dickerson? Or say anything interesting at all?
(We’d love to see lit. crit. of Eric Dickerson’s inscrutable, struggling sideline bits from his stint on Monday Night Football: “Dickerson’s inability to speak–to articulate, to emote–his refusal to allow the viewer to glean even an iota of meaning or sign, is in and of itself the commentary; a reflection of media gone meme-less; a simulacrum of simulacra; a sign unhinged from its fulcrum of meaning, allowed to drift in the digital void; a dark, exotic face babbling in a white milieu, clad in the irony of a tacky leather jacket.” We’ll take that Ph.D now, thank you very much. )
Craig James writes a column for ESPN Insider, and we already regret it. Take this slice of paid content and wonder why you should shell out the sucker’s cash we did for it:
OK, so college football lost offensive genius Norm Chow (former BYU and USC dude) to the NFL. But that doesn’t mean the game is void of another genius. I believe Mike Leach, in Lubbock with his Texas Tech Red Raiders, is off the charts when it comes to breaking in new QBs. This new tumbleweed dodger of a QB, Cody Hodges, did it again, firing away for 436 yards and four TDs. I’m tellin’ ya, watch out for the Red Raiders.
Against who, you may ask? Sam Houston State, another straw dog in a shameful troika of patsies Texas Tech scheduled to begin the season following their watershed detonation of Cal in the Holiday Bowl. Not that Mike Leach cares–he’s hanging out in his office as we speak not reading our site and watching reruns of Hart to Hart, we’re guessing–but Craig James has got to know the Texas Tech story by now, right? Put up huge numbers against bad opponents and get slammed by defenses who stay home on the endless screens and blitz through the cavernous splits on the offensive lines? Just been happening for the past four years now, right?
Nope. Just happened. LOOK OUT FOR ‘EM, WORLD! Thanks, Craig, both for the four year-old news about Texas Tech’s pinball offense and for the painfully obvious joke about Louisville’s exceptional Elvis Dumervil. (He’s rocking in Louisville! We’ll be here all week, tip your waitress!) The tingling sensation in your arm and the sagging left side of your face are definitely nothing to worry about.
Narm!
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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