We begin by saying that we used you, Lousiana Tech. We don’t know your name–in fact, we can’t name a single player on your roster. We didn’t even really see you out there on Saturday night, really. Florida could have been playing a team full of mascots in uniform a la NCAA 2006 and we wouldn’t have noticed, focused as we were on watching to see if the Gators looked any less craptacular than they did in game one. Maybe your quarterback’s scrappy, but we’ll never notice, since we were too busy watching the screen punt formation for signs of leaks. Maybe your kicker’s fatter than average, and therefore humorous, but we were charting the defensive line’s performance and getting another vodka tonic.

It was prostitution, pure and simple. We apologize. Your money’s on the dresser, chocolate.

Meyer’s team came out on Florida Field and did the equivalent of Styx playing rock opera in Houston in 1983: they passed the ball just eight times in the first half, running and running and running the ball to the muted shock of the Gator nation. They even went for it on 4th and 1 on the goal line, with Meyer daring DeShawn Wynn to claim the starting tailback spot as his own. Even after scoring 21 at the half, Gator fans had to find consolation in their spiked rum and cokes, wiping their hands on their jean shorts and asking: what the fuck was that?

The good news is that Wynn took the bait, running like a fiend off the option and catching a touchdown pass for good measure. Florida ran for over 200 yards as a team Saturday after hacking and sputtering their way for just 91 yards against Wyoming. The blocking improved, the wideouts looked comfortable running the ball, and while Chris Leak didn’t exactly channel Vince Young, he did run the option well and showed toughness at the goal line, bouncing through traffic for a pair of scores.

The bad news is that we’re one week before Tennessee comes to town and the special teams are still disjointed, especially in kick coverage. If we were a car our license plate would be NRVS just thinking about potentially losing a well-played game to UT on…gasp!…a kick return.

Other than those salient points, the Gators were a cipher on Saturday night, sandbagging much of their playbook prior to the UT game and using La. Tech as a scrimmage whore for next week and working the kinks out of the run game.

Now we can get to the real business and begin our annual week of Fulmer hate, which we kick off here by showing Phil either:

a. Stirring it up with a funky cha-cha on the sidelines, or…

b. Eating an imaginary shishkebab in the doldrums of the fourth quarter against Vandy.

To the tune of “Tootsie Roll” by the 69 Boyz: “Let me see Chol-es-ter-ol…Chol-es-ter-ol…Chol-es-ter-ol…to the left, to the left, to the gut, to the gut…”