We love college football to an unnatural level. Our weeks are often made or broken depending on what happens on Saturday. Leave it to a disaster to add a little perspective. If you too need a dose of it, check here to see ESPN’s story on a few LSU players who still haven’t been able to contact their families. We certainly wish them all well.

If you want to find a way to help out with the tragedy, check out some of these charities.

In honor of USC kicking off the college football season tomorrow, the Cool Chicken Returns (who still suffers from a cardinal blog sin of no blog roll which we too suffered from in our infancy) has predicted the results for the entire season, down to the final score. Despite being an unabashed USC nut, the predictions are filled with realistic optimism.

Joey becomes accustomed to the less-than-convenient life of blogging and working simultaneously in a fabuous Blogpoll 6 entry. Our answers are forthcoming, following a quick Bloody Mary and the earning of our rent.

After we finish these Slim Jims, we’ve gonna go make some dough. Pimpin’ on Mustache Wednesday, motherfucker.

Warren St. John, author of Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer and style writer for the New York Times, kindly gave us a late-night interview when most other people were in their beds watching Elimidate and waiting for the room to stop spinning. We talked about Alabama
football, life after RJYH, and found to our disappointment that he could not hook us up with free
Florida-Bama tickets. John Ed, of course, is ready to talk when you are.

OS: We’ll come clean from the start. We really just called to ask if you could get us Florida-Bama tickets.

WSJ: Well, since I know John Ed, of course I could get them for you, but they would cost you a second or third mortgage on your house. John Ed’s not known for cutting bargains.

OS: In a related note, how close have you remained to the central figures in the book? And how have their lives been affected by the book?

WSJ: You know, that’s one of the most pleasantly surprising parts of this whole process for me…
(more…)

Someone start the season, please. We’re gonna have to peel him off the ceiling again if this goes on much longer.

Pat Forde runs through the taxonomy of coaches in a nifty little article on “the cult of the coordinator.” John Bunting of North Carolina calls his own defenses, by the way, something we’re not so sure we’d admit to doing given the Tarheels’ defensive rankings. The article also features a great “Cornholio” picture of Stevie Boy, now officially college football’s easiest target for an interesting photo.

Fat and mustachioed, Bunting makes an easy call for Mustache Wednesday.

Joe Ayoob, allegedly the Bay Area’s version of the white Ron Mexico, loses out in the Cal qb race to redshirt freshman (?!?) Nate Longshore. If he’s not taking PR classes at Berkeley, he should, guessing from this quote:

“There’s a little frustration, because I was supposed to come in and be the starter,” said Ayoob, who will hold for placekicks. “But I know it’s a team game. It’s not just about me starting or Nate starting. I guess right now, Nate is the best quarterback for the team.”

Not exactly Ari Fleischer-type stuff there. The article also helpfully reminded us that as a freshman, Marshawn Lynch averaged 8.8 yards a carry, and that Longshore had one more year’s experience in Tedford’s exacting offensive system. So there’s something Joe can think about on the bench while he ponders buying his very own Ron Mexico t-shirt.

The black Joe Ayoob wants to know what happened, but would still hit it.

In an article in the Washington Post about the Gator’s transition to Urban Meyer’s spread option, there was a quote from Meyer which says so much about the failings of the Zook regime at Florida.

“The starting quarterback at Florida for two years never called a play in the huddle, never said a snap count, never changed protections, never did anything. When you say that, it’s kind of unbelievable. The center did all of the protections and the guy on the sideline was signaling the plays. They got to the huddle, [Leak] lifted his leg and played. We ask a lot more of him.”

Amazing.

Thanks to Tiger Smack for recommending former LSU coach Mike Archer to be a Mustache Wednesday Mustache of the Day.

Is it me, or can you picture Archer leaving dirty voicemails on some girls cell phone?

What might he be saying on that cell right now?

The second attempt to hold a crucial meeting of Atlanta CFB bloggers will happen at the Brewhouse this Wednesday night. Directions to Atlanta’s finest football cafe may be found here. RSVP below, and come join Orson for a large beer and the opportunity to meet his enormous dog.

Hooray beer!

I’m a Realist, ever the practical ones, acknowledges the lusts and yens of gamers and men o’fancy everywhere by posting the latest lines here.

Let it roll, sucker: strictly for entertainment purposes…

A few thoughts:

–Surprise! Florida State over Miami by 3. Way to punt, Vegas. We can’t see this happening, not in a world of cruel irony and offenses coached by Jeff Bowden. Miami dusts them by ten, fueled by defensive scoring on Miami’s part and celebrated with festive dancing and excessive celebration penalties in the grand tradition of UM. Oh, and they’ll be a pregame brawl; count on it.

–Auburn over Georgia Tech by 7? Tech to cover, if only because it would be more painful for Chan Gailey to fritter away a late lead with grandmotherly playcalling and lose by three than getting nicked by a mere 7 points–which means that that is exactly what Chan Gailey will do. Ball blows it with a fumble, interception, or improbable combination of the two late in the game, potentially doing both on the same play. Gailey will demur, fiddle with his headset, and pretend to look at his playchart, which is actually an old copy of Reader’s Digest tacked to a clipboard.

–Tennessee over UAB by 23. Why the hell not bet the cover? UAB’s a tough but overmatched team, offenses typically struggle to find their rhythm in the first game of the season… insert three or four other ludicrous reasons here, since all we’re really doing is displaying our man-crush on UAB’s Darrell Hackney, the stiff-armingest behemoth under center in the land. He could be as much fun to watch this season as Dave Ragone was with Louisville in his last year, refusing to go down without throwing left hooks at charging blitzers and not sliding once in the face of tacklers screaming toward vulnerable joints and soft tissues with horrifying force.
Take UAB to cover but don’t expect to see anything but Darrell Hackney playing the part of a one man rugby scrum for four quarters here, which will be worth the loss of the wager alone.

It’ll be fun for a half to watch Darrell Hackney do this to the Vols. Then his kidneys will start bleeding.

John Walters keeps ascending the ranks of our favorite sportswriters by using a pesky and appealing device: reason. West Coast football isn’t inferior–it’s just more urban, and for college football attendance, that ain’t a good thing. Sounds reasonable enough to us, and we haven’t even cracked into the bottle of Moet and Chandon in our file drawer yet.

Urban’s mum on the starter at RB for Saturday’s game against Wyoming. We’re betting the starter will have to emerge from a three-man cage match staged for Urban’s pleasure sometime late Friday night, with DeShawn Wynn winning after breaking a folding chair over Skyler Thornton’s head.

It’s gonna go down something like this.

Keon Lattimore, running back for the Maryland Terps, is the younger brother of Ray Lewis.The two talk daily, and sometimes even text message bible verses to each other.

We’re betting Ray’s a fan of Judges 19:29.

Gary Barnett, Super Genius, has at least two legitimate miracles to his credit: taking Northwestern to the Rose Bowl, and somehow staying employed at the University of Colorado going into his seventh year amidst an unceasing whirlwind of sleaze, rumor, and boneheaded PR. USA Today’s underrated college football section–always free online, no premium silliness, and plenty of rapidly updated stats–profiles Barnett, who among other rich quotables passes this one with a satisfied grunt:

“My life hasn’t changed a bit through the whole process,” he said. “We’ve continued doing what we were doing … always looking for ways to improve your program, ways to make it better, not be content with what it’s been.”

The official word out of Boulder, then? MORE HOOKERS! Colorado’s AD may have been right to wait on that contract extension.

Are gravity lessons coming due for Gary Barnett?