Westerdawg’s handing out preseason awards of his own. Kudos for the 9 to 5 reference; if we could replay the downs of our life again, we’d do our damnedest to lose our virginity to Dolly Parton. She’d have been so sweet about the whole thing.
MAC Attack!The little conference that could gets its own preseason rankings, with NCAA 2006 shootout kings Bowling Green and Toledo their respective division nods. Omar Jacobs, as a sign of respect to the Rockets, promised to limit himself to four hundred yards total offense against them this year. In the first half.

Omar Jacobs goes to Morris Day’s tailor, evidently.
Blogpoll 4 is up and blazing at The Blue-Gray Sky. Catch it while it’s hot.
In our weekly celebration of the mustachioed, let’s take a moment to issue a special citation of merit to the Tennessee coaching staff, who while not as thoroughly haired as the Michigan staff, certainly have a striking diversity of styles represented. We have:

1. “The Bulgarian Customs Agent,” sported here by John Chavis.

2. “The Bandito/aka the Sam Elliott,” as seen on Steve Caldwell.

3. “The John Shaft,” resting with ease and confidence on the face of Pat Washington.
Nice work, gentlemen. Keep ‘em trimmed!

This is what divorce looks like, kids. He’s also Michigan’s conditioning coach.
Straight Bangin’ makes us laugh by getting in on the Mustache Wednesday action in fine fashion.
While MGoBlog is comparing him to Jabba the Hutt, we might as well extend the metaphor with support from the impeccably named Cleveland Plain Dealer: Weis, like Jabba, is not only fat but sassy, as well, pimp-slapping a highly touted but academically questionable lineman for his laziness.
Guessing that Weis won’t be going after a lot of the same recruits as, say, our beloved Gators, but that’s fine with us. Whatever Weis’ approach is, it’s got to beat this memory we have of Notre Dame recruiting tactics of yore:
HT Guy who eventually went to Missouri: (picks up phone) Hello?
Clueless, doomed recruiter: It’s Notre Dame, son. How does it feel?
HT Guy: bwaHAHAHAHA!!!! (Hangs up phone.)

El Guapo would surely approve of Weis’ fat sassiness. Yeah, it’s a stretch, but it’s Mustache Wednesday.
StateFans Nation puts their three cents in on Feldman’s conference rankings and risks an HP hissyfit by not prostrating himself before the altar of the Pac-10.
What if we made a whole website and rigged a contest devoted to our quest to have sex with a single girl? Better yet, what if we did all of that for a clone of ten thousand other girls at our local MegaU? A girl who couldn’t even make white go-go boots hot? And had the same, eerie, paralyzed botox smile in each picture? And looked like Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks? Wouldn’t that be sad? Obsessive? A little creepy?
Southern Fried Football–who stole their name from Tony Barnhart’s book– beat us to it, even including a pic of her in the ubiquitous Ann Taylor black dress. (She’s an aspiring broadcast news major! Of course she fucking is!) But don’t let that fool you. We don’t look down on website cheesecake girls. Far, far from it. In fact, we’re looking for our own pom-pom girl for EDSBS, too. Necessary requirements follow:
1. Likes firearms, or at least posing with them.
2. Bears a slight resemblance to Pam Grier, Jennifer Tilly, Pussy Galore, or Ki Toy Johnson.
3. Drinks.
4. Can fill out a pair of hotpants respectably.
5. Likes football, or at least pretends to.
Send applications to harumphharumph@yahoo.com.

We’d grow a mustache for Pussy Galore.