Preseason polls (Blogpoll excepted) are pretty much the most inane thing about the college game, but they give the fans of the undeserving preseason accolades something to hope for and day dream about over the long hot summer. Not so for the perennially crappy football schools like Baylor and Kansas. Once again, the media has been unkind to the fans of these two institutions, crushing whatever daydreams they may otherwise have enjoyed this summer, by resoundingly picking them to finish last in the Big 12 South and North, respectively. We think this aspect of the preseason prognostication might actually work out for the media voters… its the other end of the spectrum that usually does not. In this case, Colorado and Texas (I hear Sooner fans gasping as I type) have been picked to finish atop the Big 12.
Most members of the media agree… Baylor is not very intimidating
Boi From Troy finds someone who messed with Texas on NCAA 2006 in a grandiosely cruel way. (We like the screen shots on the We Are USC page–they give it an almost historic quality, like photos of a noteworthy homicide.) We’re taking that score to be a personal challenge, of course, and are already game planning for our imminent decimation of Prairie View A&M by Florida following work, the gym, and a trip to the shiny new IKEA here in the 404. Leak might have five rushing and passing tds each by the time we’re finished.
Rob in Madtown gets on the good/bad traditions kick with his own list of hallowed and horrendous in college football. We think he’s impossibly wrong about the West Virginia Mountaineer–who, as we all know, has been empirically proven to be the best human mascot–but he loves Bevo and UGA, in addition to coming up with an underappreciated one we neglected in our list:
4. Having something for the players to slap.
Ernie Sims agrees…
Bishop Don Juan agrees: players need something to slap.
Last recruiting season Florida State started slower than any in recent memory, yet still was able to close on a number a top shelf players, giving them yet another top 5 class. It’s been a rough off-season for the Noles though, much to the delight of Gators and Canes throughout the state of Florida, and it is only getting worse. Three members of the vaunted Seminole recruiting class will not be enrolling this fall according to the Tallahassee Democrat. Bright, Hardrick, Foster will be joining fellow blue-chipper Justin Mincey on the prep school or community college route. FSU still awaits word on running back recruit Matt Dunham’s eligibility status as well. Stay tuned.
A federal appeals court ruled on friday that Sports Illustrated cannot hide behind Alabama’s journalist shield law to protect their anonymous source used in the scandalous story about Mike Price’s over-the-top strip club weekend. Price has admitted to drinking too much at the gentleman’s club, but has denied under oath that he had sexual relations with those two women named in the story. SI has cited an anonymous source who provided the information on a double super secret background basis. Hmmm…. who was this leaker? Was it one of the strippers or could it have been Karl Rove and Scooter Libby?
The burning question in sports today is just what did Karl Rove say about Mike Price to Sports Illustrated and when did he say it.
Since our computer’s speakers are fucked up and refusing us the pleasure of listening to WATB’s spanking new podcast, we’re left here in silence to ponder which announcers we might find most amusing if they were allowed a turn in the booth during a college football game of little import. The 11:00 p.m. EST Mountain West game on ESPN 2 would be perfect, we’re guessing.
1. Paris Hilton. Dumb as a bag of hammers and just as useful, she’s the perfect candidate to cover the late-night BYU-SDSU game. Imagining the middle-aged announcer giggling over her would be worth it alone-”Paris, do you think he blew the coverage on that one?” (snort-chuckle-chuckle-chuckle-snort)-but also interesting would be Paris’ commentary on the game, which might center on questions about the game itself since we doubt she’s ever watched a down of college football. (Eg: “Why do they keep talking about how sweaty that fat guy’s ass is? That is so fucking gross.”) Let’s not pray for her to get familiar with the college game, though, since her previous work of note indicates that once she gets familiar with a subject, she turns it into a repetitive, monotonous joyless exercise with a lackluster finish.
Yes, we are shamelessly posting a pic of Paris Hilton.
2. Ron Zook. Three seasons away from his inevitable canning, we can’t help but imagine what a success Zook would be in the booth, if only because he could bring a perspective oft-unheard outside of the confines of the Jim Rome show: total cluelessness. Everything would show improvement, including four stalled drives in a row; an incompetent bit of clock management would, of course, be “correctable,” and just a sign that a guy “was trying to give his team the chance to win;” and finally, once the other guys were off the air, Zook would work an additional seven hours in the empty studio with his headset off, commenting on how beige the walls were while calling up seventeen-year old A/V club members compulsively on the phone at 3 a.m. asking them to intern with ESPN 2. (”We’ve got a great program for young men here. We’re getting better and better…”)
3. Vladmir Putin. Yes, his English isn’t great, and he knows a lot more about killing Bulgarian dissidents with poisonous umbrellas than the spread option. (Where else you gonna get a Georgi Markov reference in a college football blog, fool? Huh?) But what could be funnier than the presence of dead serious former KGB agent Putin in a booth with two pot-bellied yuksters covering the UNT-Idaho game at 12:30 in the morning, commenting in a monotone until he eventually tires of them and has them jailed or killed?
Especially with Putin’s platinum-grill bodyguards stealing their jewelry and peeing in the corners during the broadcast?
Announcer: Wow! Vladmir, those guys just ran through Idaho’s defense like a knife through butter, didn’t they.
Putin: Yes. I also think they run like knife through skin. You tire me, Mike Golic. Georgi, pozhalsta…(Sounds of struggle, ripping, and a body being thrown from the booth through a plate glass window…)
Bill Curry, this Mountain West matchup tires me.
Brodie Croyle and Kenneth Darby practice at full speed, despite rumors on the internet(s) that Croyle had been seen hunting in Argentina, hit by a car, or hanging out with Colin Farrell at the Chateau Marmont before dutch-dooring Scarlett Johanssen with Benicio del Toro. (Of course that’s not true! It’s patently false, actually! Just another EDSBS faux-scuttlebutt exclusive! Only on EDSBS! Should we type that in all caps like Drudge does?)
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