We’re posting our answers to Brian’s request for comments below. Stranko and Orson are still arguing about our top 25, and would actually throw down about it, but the man knows people with tasers and pepper spray, and from what we’ve heard from FSU players, those things hurt. So we’ll keep it civil and post here in the meantime.
1. Overrated? Ohio State. We looked at our own laughable draft of the top ten today and realized how full of crap we were by placing them so high in the rankings without ever seeing if they could score a point on offense. There’s little reason to think their offensive woes and lack of a power runner will get any better this season, and no matter how good your linebackers are-and jesus, sportswriters nationwide are soaking their keyboards over them-a D left on the field that long will lose their grip late in the game every time. Plus there’s the early season game with Texas, which the Buckeyes must win in order to get a shot at the national title: a Michigan team that will likely have no problem putting up thirty a game is waiting at the tail end of the schedule. Again, what the hell were we thinking?
(Oh, and Tennessee is likely overrated, but we’re putting them as high as we can to make their eventual precipitous fall all the sweeter for us. It’s sick, but it’s the truth.)
2. Underrated? Boise State at 20. If they beat Georgia, we’ll look like geniuses. Louisville at 12 gets eight spots on them? After they lost to them by one point in their bowl game? We love Dan Hawkins’ squad, and their Tasmanian Devil schedule this year means someone’s getting knocked out, Smurf Turf-style. No way they finish this low at the end.
3. High teens or worse in Rose Bowl? The Aggies are the most attractive pick, this being year three of Plan Franchione, when his teams lift off and start beating the pants off their opponents. But that’s at 17 and therefore kind of cheap in our eyes, so let’s go wayyyy out on the ledge for this one: Boston College. Why the hell not? It’s a weak year in the ACC, FSU comes to their house, they don’t make many mistakes across the board, and their defense is stingayyy. Their only serious road game is in Blacksburg, and the rest of their schedule looks very manageable. Plus their coach was a Marine, and would kick our ass if we didn’t pick his team as our dark horse for this poll. Oooorahh!
TSN gives some retread analysis, but asks the most important question of all: is it football season yet?
Tuesday’s Question over at CFN reveals a rising Purdue stock, with only one writer giving any love to unsung Iowa.
Not full time, okay, but Olbermann will appear on Dan Patrick’s radio show one hour a week. Is this like calling up an ex and asking to just go to coffee? Really. Just coffee, that’s all…
Now that the AP has given the proverbial finger to the BCS, they are looking for a new crop of suckers to create a poll to add a sense of legitimacy to their mythical championship. Well, let us be the first volunteers! At least we’ll watch most of the games before voting.
In honor of Sexton being forcibly confined to a mental hospital for evaluation, we thought we’d lighten the mood with this little offensively funny riff on two america’s by another tortured soul, Dave Chappelle. Enjoy.
Tommie Frazier, who is one of the all time great college players that could never have translated to the pros, is back in the college game only this time as a head coach. Frazier, who won back to back championships which included ridiculous runs through the entirety of the Florida defense, will be coaching at Doane College. Where you ask???? Doane is in the Great Plains Athletic Conference of the National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics.
Oh those painful memories.
Whenever something bad happens at a program, you can be assured that their rival enjoys it the most. Well, Gator fans have begun having their fun with Wyatt Sexton’s god complex. Have a look. They are just getting started so hopefully we’ll have more quantity and quality as the days go on.
According to Warchant, ESPN is now reporting that Wyatt Sexton, prior to his arrest in Tallahassee, had attended the Bonnaroo music festival in Manchester, TN. Why didn’t he just say so? We know about hippielicious Bonaroo, having grown up near the area, and freaking out, laying in the street, and proclaiming yourself as divine are common side effects of attending the festival. A simple note pinned to his shirt would have been enough for the police to know: just give him a beer, put on some Allman Brothers, and do your best to mellow him out.
Is this what is looked like inside Wyatt Sexton’s head?
It’s simultaneously agonizing and amusing reading Warchant on this, by the way, since Wyatt Sexton is doing something a lot of college students do in the course of their four to seven year stay in university life: namely, drugs. We did ‘em , but we were lucky enough not to lay down in the middle of the street and get maced by the cops in the course of doing them before getting tossed in the padded pokey to think about what we’d done. (Although we did watch Cabin Boy a few too many times, which in itself is a form of assault.) Frankly, we’re kind of astounded at the lack of restraint by Tallahassee police, who have to deal with high people all the time. What could freak someone out on acid/PCP/Freon huffed out of a garbage bag worse than being locked in the psych ward? Why don’t you just strap an angry macaque to his face and play Bela Bartok at high volume ’til he depersonalizes and wets his pants in a corner, for fuck’s sake. It’s like these people haven’t seen Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.
See? Even overachieving Asian Ivy Leaguers get high.
Histrionics, we hope, are uncalled for here. He’s twenty-something, a college student, and allowed to have pretty much anything he wants. He got it, and it turned out to have really unexpected consequences for him. We can’t believe we’re going to type these words, but here they go: we hope Bobby Bowden is lenient with him. Seriously. He took drugs and he fucked up. It’s not like he forged checks, used his status as a football player to bend the rules, or beat someone in a nightclub just for the hell of it. He’s probably not mentally ill. He’s probably not flat-out crazy. He just needs a little counseling and a reminder that if you take drugs for three days straight, you’ll probably end up acting all Robert Downey Jr-esque in a really public way. Oh, and you might not get to play football for FSU anymore.
But mentally ill? Please. He’d just gotten back from Bonnaroo, where the Dave Matthews Band played a three hour set on Saturday night. We might be delusional just from the boredom of that single show-have you heard the steaming hunk of crap that is “American Baby”?- never mind whatever brain-scrambling serotonin-fizzy Sexton had pulsing through his bloodstream. Sanctimony and draconian punishments are far from appropriate in his case.
We’d be screaming and delusional, too, if we’d sat through three hours of that.
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