Everyday Should Be Saturday

May 10, 2005

CHICKEN CROSSES ROAD. COP WRITES TICKET.

The bad one-liners we could write about this one are two numerous and too easy so I’ll refrain. The story speaks for itself. Yes, a chicken crossing the road led to a citation in Ridgecrest, California. Think that cop will be hearing about this for the rest of his career. We do too.

This strange chicken story has nothing on the tale of the above pictured Mike, the Headless Chicken.

MALONE FOR HEISMAN

As 5.0 guy reminded us a few weeks back, punter and good sport Tom Malone of USC is still campaigning for Heisman. Here comes the BOOM!

REAL NEWS! APR SCORES ADJUSTED; MSU AND UTK FALL INTO RANKS OF FAILING

The NCAA recalibrates its APR scores, dropping some teams from the failing column while booting some over the line into the passing category. Whose football team gets a break with the new math? The University of Wyoming and Oklahoma State both skate into nonpenalty status in today’s redo, along with a few of the Louisiana-Monroes of the world. More interestingly, who falls into penalty status? One biggie: the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, along with its SEC mate Mississippi State. Not a great day for the SEC and academics.

WEST COAST KICK, CONT’D: PAC-10 PREVIEW

On our continued Pac-10 kick, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer consults Paco the Tree Kangaroo for predictions on this year’s edition of the Pac-10.

DUCKS. BEAVERS. BLOGS. PRISON.

For those of you starving for all the Oregon Ducks and Oregon State Beavers blogs you can handle, we’ve found them here and here, respectively. Shocking to find that Oregon State was so troubled by offseason problems-including the infamous “Gaysheepgate” incident-that they completely overhauled their discipline policy in response. Arizona State had a player arrested for first degree murder and didn’t do this. Not to trivialize incarceration, but as someone writing this from heart of the Prison Belt, who doesn’t know someone who was arrested once between the ages of 18-24? And what law-abiding person doesn’t, on meeting someone who’s actually been “behind the wall” * at a party, corner them and milk them for stories of shivs, gangs, and riots? Years of watching Escape From Alcatraz,Stir Crazy, The Longest Yard, and Cool Hand Luke gave us the demented impression that prison could be fun as long as you found a cool buddy, a guy who could smuggle you extra cigarettes through the prison laundry, and make a dramatic escape involving a papier-mache mannequin, cayenne pepper, and a rope made from twelve years’worth of saved dental floss.
* Official prison movie lingo. We’re street like that.

Cool Hand Luke sez: prison is fun, kids!

MURRAY STATE REINSTATES COACH

In a previous post we informed you about Murray States hardline on campus arrests which ended up in the suspension of the head coach, Joe Pannunzio, pending an investigation. Well, Pannuzio is back in action again as he was reinstated, presumably after being exonerated by the investigation. But because this news is soooo hot of the presses, we have no details yet, except to say for those of you on the edge of your seat that a press conference will be held this afternoon. Stay tuned…

GETTIN’ ZIPPY WITH IT: FIUTAK ON AKRON

Fiutak gives you the lowdown on Akron. Only 114 teams to go, Pete.

SPRING RECAPS: LIKE ONLINE LEFTOVERS FOR THE HUNGRY READER

ESPN keeps reheating it along with the rest of us, this time giving us their stellar SEC spring recap.

EDSBS.COM’S LUCKY 13 COACH QUIZ

We at EDSBS.com are rolling out our first semi-journalistic piece ever, the fabulous Lucky 13 Coaches’ quiz. We’ll be sending the following questions to D-I coaches around the nation, hoping they respond in a semi-humorous fashion sometime in the next five months. We stole several good questions from others and threw in a few of our own, so take a look at our handiwork, and just imagine what would happen if one of them actually responds to our inquiry.

EDSBS.com’s Lucky 13 Coaches’ Survey

1. What gets you up in the morning?
2. What actor would you cast to play you in a movie of your life?
3. What actress plays your wife?
4. Other than family members, what single person has influenced your life the most?
5. What is an item of men’s clothing you will never wear?
6. What job, other than your own, would you like to try for one day?
7. In a fight to the finish, who wins, you or a bobcat?
8. Besides any of these questions, what’s the stupidest question a sportswriter has ever asked you?
9. What is your favorite cable channel that does not predominantly show sports?
10. What superpower would you like to have?
11. Excluding football players, what sport has the best athletes?
12. You’re singing Karaoke. What song do you pick?
13. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? (Question stolen from James Lipton and the Actor’s Studio/Bernard Pivot.)

We’ll be shocked to get a single completed response. However, if we do get one back, we swear that the first coach gets carte blanche with us for life. Seriously, a totally free ride. Other sports sites lie about their biases. We’ll just put it out there: fill out this piece of paper, and we’re yours.

NBA UPDATE: STEVE NASH LOOKS LIKE GUY PIERCE

I was perusing the various sports sites when it hit me. Steve Nash looks alot like Guy Pearce… why hadn’t I noticed it before? See for yourself.

A Smoldering Guy Pearce


Nash can smolder too…. and run a nice pick and roll.

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