We had a friend in middle school. (Yes, a single friend. Don’t look so astonished.) When we told him about the gassing-a-lighter-up-in-your-hand-and-igniting it trick, he looked pensively at a corner of the room for an instant, and said, “Oh, that ain’t shit.” He then held the end of the lighter in his mouth, pressed down on the gas feed, and lit his soft palate on fire.
That’s basically what Matt Zemek does when pressed for “under-the-radar” Heisman picks. And like the insane mouth-incineration trick in middle school…well, we kind of like it, Matt. (Oh Heismanpundit? We know you’ve got something to say about this…