Spurrier whips a sportswriter’s ass in a workout challenge on his sixtieth birthday. Next week he’ll be swimming the Yangtze like Chairman Mao and doing a hundred one-handed push-ups like Jack Palance, all with a picture of Phil Fulmer tacked to the wall. Check out the shirtless pic-the Ol’ Ballcoach is one hotttt cock.

Real life has us slightly strapped for time today, but we had to drop our two cents-and we mean it, I think the most we could ever charge for any of our thoughts would be 0.02 dollars American-into the motherlode of draft nonsense going around in the leadup to Saturday and the rare direct interaction between the pro world and the collegiate: the NFL draft, a.k.a the bone thrown to desperate gridiron fans in April to sustain us through Arena season.
Notes:
1. Reggie Brown of Georgia is tough. We know very little about this draft, but we do know that David Greene, for all his composure, criminally underutilized the beefy Brown in the passing game, and it showed this past year. Brown earned his draft ticket the instant he got up off the turf following the second worst collegiate hit we’ve ever seen, his pasting by headhunter Junior Rosegreen in the 2004 UGA-Auburn game. Fred Gibson has the “flaky, but has potential” tag. Brown, meanwhile, is big, fast, and ready to clock in for work. He’d be a nice second or third rounder, especially for teams wary of drafting wideouts in the first round (meaning, everybody…)

Reggie Brown got up from this. Now someone give him some money.
2. From one Brown to another. Ronnie Brown is beastly and fast and has hands that could catch a mayfly in a blowing gale. Carnell Williams, for all the pub, never did it for me, which is a shame given his first-rate nickname. He seemed leggy, a little slow for his rep as a burner, and didn’t break tackles. Brown, on the other hand, ran beautiful routes out of the backfield, blocked like a konishiki, and took two or three guys to bring him down on every other play. And he doesn’t even have the mileage a four-year starter has, a bonus in a position where longevity is a rare commodity.
3. There’s little surprise here, but we think anyone drafting Channing Crowder better put a criminal lawyer on retainer now. We lived in Gainesville. If he couldn’t resist the temptations of Hogtown, there’s no way a 21-year old will act right in a metropolis. Bank on it.
4. Derrick Johnson from Texas is large. He’s the recipient of our annual “looks like Deebo in Friday” award, so give him your bike and your microwave and no one gets hurt.

Derrick Johnson does not like you, and wants your bike. Now.
5. Troy Williamson, wideout from South Carolina, also falls into the criminally underused category. He’s a project, but shit is he fast. Further proof that Skip Holtz was yet another S.O.C. at O.C. who’s S.O.L., much like Jeff Bowden.
6. Little Man Watch: Darren Sproles is too little. He’ll never add up to much. He can’t take the hits. He’ll get killed. He’ll break in two the first time someone hits him. Don’t even think about taking him. By the way, we saw Warrick Dunn at Eats in Atlanta a few months back. Looked great. Came up to my chin. Plays in the NFL, right?
7. Odell Thurman from Georgia hits. And hits. And hits. Charlie Weis said the patriots were soooo good because they were soooo mean, right? Odell Thurman would fit right in there, because he’ll literally knock the piss out of someone once a game.
8. Jason Campbell just isn’t that smart. So why draft him for the brainiest job in the game, quarterback? Someone will try it anyway, and watch the picks fly then…
9. Braylon Edwards is a Michigan wide receiver about to be drafted in the first round. If I were a GM, something about typing that sentence would make me very, very nervous.
10. Bold predictions: someone, somewhere, will draft Matt Jones for some role on their team. And after that, Jones will be mercurial, make a few astonishing plays, and wonder why he can’t sit all by himself on the bench like he did at Arkansas. Good luck to the team that tries to fit this perpetually square peg into any round hole.

Matt Jones: brooding loner, or just high?

HIP HIP HURRAY!!! The NCAA has announced today that it has approved the second bowl game in San Diego which shall bear the proud name of Poinsettia Bowl. I know our loyal readers in San Diego have been on pins and needles since we first brought up the possibility of a second San Diego Bowl game earlier this month. Well, it is here so pop the champagne. The Bowl System will survive the loss of the Silicon Valley Football Classic afterall.

In anticipation for the NFL draft, Cnnsi chronicles some of the best and worst recent track records at feeding talent to the NFL. Find our if your school made the list here… Nebraska fans may want to skip this.

Trojans’ CB Eric Wright avoids prosecution on rape/sexual assault charges. Prosecutors cite insufficient evidence on those charges and on possession of Ecstasy, but somehow we don’t feel better about this, especially given USC’s recent problems with academic ineligibility and the jawbreaking incident “between boys.” A year ago, Pete Carroll took Bob Stoops’ position as resident genius of college football. Now he’s run off the best offensive coordinator in college history, seen five of his starters potentially flunk out, and had two major disciplinary problems in two weeks. Even with Wright’s exoneration, the circumstantial stink around USC is beginning to accumulate. We like Carroll-we really do, no sarcasm there-but the burdens of success have had some side effects we find to be truly troubling.

We keep wanting to hate him simply because he coaches the team whose blonde, baseball-capped fans always seem to be cutting us off in Atlanta traffic. But Mark Richt continues to earn our grudging respect by suspending two players from two meaningful games for their role in acting like asshats in public.
Several hours north of Athens, Phil Fulmer dropped his donuts in shock on hearing the news, and promised to crack down on player discipline by giving each one of the eleven Vols arrested this offseason a big, sloppy wet kiss whether they liked it or not after a free champagne brunch at the Cumberland Avenue O’Charley’s.

We have to give him credit, even if his fans attempt to kill us on a daily basis.

Sometimes you need a McChicken meal so bad you’ll mug someone for it.

The honor code at BYU bans, among a litany of other things, the use of alcohol, tobacco, and having sex before marriage.(How the hell did Jim McMahon survive a single month in Provo?) Using steroids to boost your performance for the school football team, however, is perfectly acceptable in the eyes of the school, at least according to former BYU center Jason Scukanec.

Click here to see what your alias should be. When Orson gets his prescriptions filled it will now be as Thom Malta and as for me…. meet Jesse Azerbaijan. I’m not sure how accurate it is though as the starting quarterback for Virginia Tech, Marcus (the little brother of Ron) Mexico became Hank Bosnia. Shouldn’t he have the same last name as his big bro?

Hank Bosnia, Superstar in the Making

Feeling left out on all the attention being garnered by the Tennessee Volunteers and South Carolina Gamecocks, Georgia got in on the action by having two of there own arrested in a bar fight. Two down, nine to go. It is a long summer and we have faith that they can catch their rivals.