As an undergrad at the University of Florida, the staff of EDSBS.com was thrilled to hear that we were recruiting a talented WR out of Louisiana by the name of Booty. Turns out UF couldn’t attract Booty, and he ended up going to LSU, where he in turn attracted the other Booty brother, Josh. Sad as it was, we consoled ourselves with the knowledge that we were at least keeping quality Booty in the SEC.

LSU evidently lost the magic Booty touch, though; John David Booty, the next in a long line of outstanding Bootys, decided against following other Booty to LSU and opted for a scholarship at New Booty Central, a.k.a. USC. Now with Matt Leinart out due to shoulder surgery, Booty is really taking charge of spring practice in L.A.

This entire piece was written for two reasons, by the way:
1. To exhaust a marginally funny joke through repetition.
2. To post something-nay, anything-about West Coast football and pretend like we care. For a more detailed-read admirably obsessive-take on USC’s spring practice, we encourage you to check out Boi From Troy, written by our favorite kind of conservative, a gay football fan. He cares lots about our Left Coast brethren.

Booty in charge!

Who’s to say rednecks don’t contribute their fair share of value to society?
Monster trucks, Jerry Springer, Jerry Reed, Smokey and the Bandit, professional wrestling, interesting fare in the police blotter, the “Dancing Outlaw,” the guy Brent Spiner used to play on “Night Court”(Bob Wheeler-click here)…really, that’s a hell of a list right there. I’d even add mathematical genius/formerly crazed schizophrenic John Nash to that simply because he’s from West Virginia, and where the hell is more redneck than Bluefield, West Virginia?

And who’s to say the South has a monopoly on redneckdom? West Virginia shares a border with Pennsylvania, which may explain why two Penn State players were charged with shooting graphite arrows from a compound bow into the wall of their dormitory during a party in the “predawn hours” of Jan. 29.

You know those hunters-they get ‘er done early!

Pete Fiutak and I are in some weird Vulcan mind-meld, since he posted his proposal for a playoff on the same day I wrote a half-baked column about the same thing!. He’s got a nifty solution, posted
here, only worsening our budding man crush on college football’s most prolific reporter. He’s knowledgeable about the Sun Belt conference…so dreamy…

Occasional halftime show host Pat O’Brien is in rehab, evidently because he wanted to get coke and go crazy with you. He also repeats himself a lot on voicemails, which you can listen to in a download in the link.(Totally, very much NSFW.) The daring would leave an excerpt as their voicemail message, especially the later messages where he talks about getting a hooker and “going crazy.” Bet Mom would love to leave a message after hearing that one…

Dear Myles,

We know that you’re very smart. How else would one get to the stage you’re at in life without being really smart? You’re the head of a nominally important organization that actually doesn’t do much but pays its members very well. You don’t have to do much actual work, and you apply your byzantine set of rules to situations with little to no oversight from external authority. All of this, and you get tickets to whatever sporting event you want all the time while insisting your business isn’t actually a business. (more…)

For the especially addled and time-blessed, click here for full roundup of tons of spring practice updates, including the inevitable “maybe Joe Paterno will win more than five games this year” post for Nittany Lions fans.

Fox posts a reheated version of their SEC preview here, with a few tweaks and a few errors (Demetris Summers, for example, will likely not be the starter for SC this fall, given the whole “pot-smoking and getting-kicked-off-the-team thing.”)We’re still in the throes of a man-crush on Pete Fiutak, though, so we’ll forgive them for anything so long as they keep posting more shit than any other site on the web.

Jerry Glanville, the mighty midget of the Grits Blitz, has withdrawn his candidacy for the D-II coaching gig he was considering. South Dakotans breathe a sigh of relief, bring the Tauntauns in for the night, and wonder if Luke and Han will survive the night out there…

Please, please let this be true.

Beavers love gay rams. Oh, it feels so good to type that…

Auburn Tigers: crazy about Cox. (Give us a chance to make a penis joke, and we will take it.) Prentice Gautt dies at the age of 67. Spurrier wants fun back at SC, mentions that fun does not usually require crowbar, gloves, and bail money. Assembled players stunned. Chan Gailey back at practice two days after heart attack. Bobby Bowden uses word “daggum” in interview for forty zillionth time, promises more sluggish offense, galling nepotism, and bad haberdashery from the Seminoles this year. Texas lawmaker seeks end to “sexual cheerleading.” Strangely, Edwards is a Democrat, who we thought were all about sexual cheerleading. Urban Meyer unhappy with second day of practice, forces team to pit fight with pack of wolves to win back his love.

Bobby Bowden and son Jeff who, coincidentally, is the best possible person for the job of offensive coordinator at FSU in the whole universe. Really. Especially because he wears Oakleys.