Fifteen cups of coffee later, we’re awake and getting all jittery about the possibilities this coming season: upsets, collapses, new stars, a playoff system…well, you can’t get everything you want. But we do have the following ten games that make us even more jumpy than we already are just thinking about them.

(Note: these aren’t the most important games, mind you: we’re not putting Ohio State-Michigan on here, but we are commending Dan Hawkins’ huge testicles for putting Boise State on the line with a brutal schedule that opens in Athens playing UGA. And yes, that’s brutal for the WAC, but what isn’t relative in a system with no playoff? And yes, we’re unhealthily obsessed with the topic, no thanks to a thrilling weekend of basketball, a sport I care nothing about that becomes high drama thanks to way their season’s end is constructed. Point being: these games just look interesting, dammit.)

1. September 3: Boise State at UGA. With an undefeated season and a freeze out from the big bowl games, the message to Dan Hawkins and Boise was simple enough: fuck off until you get a big fish on the hook. Enter UGA, looking to solidify their BCS strength of schedule, and you have an inspired matchup for both schools. UGA gets a chance to bolster their rep without risking too much-it’s not like they invited So Cal-and Boise gets a shot at the big fish they need to emerge from the hinterlands of the WAC onto the national scene. Dan Hawkins is 40-6 since taking over, including an undefeated regular season last year before losing a shootout to the other premier offense in the country, Louisville. Boise has a chance to put a sizeable nail in the coffin of college football convention on September 3 with a game between the hedges. UGA just lost one of their starting RBs, graduated their all-timers in Davids Greene and Pollack, and lost their mad dog defensive coordinator to the NFL. Their offense has trouble getting six in the redzone in the best of conditions, and new starter D.J. Shockley has a knack for putting the ball in the wrong place at the wrong time in big games. Even though Dan Hawkins looks like a large, angry fetus most of the time, he could be smiling in Athens if UGA doesn’t come out of tunnel ready to play.

2. September 17: Alabama at South Carolina. We have already mentioned this one, but we think it bears repeating for a number of reasons, not the least of which we think is this: this will be the beginning of the end for Mike Shula and the first big win for Spurrier at South Carolina. There are a slew of games this year that could be interesting for Carolina-Spurrier at Florida? Or versus his old bete noire, Phil Fulmer?-but we pick this one for the far-reaching effects the outcome of the game will have for both teams. If Bama wins, Shula will get another year on the job, provided they fill out the rest of the schedule respectably. If they lose, Shula will be run out on a rail, literally, just like the guy in the final scene of O Brother, Where Art Thou?. Spurrier will either come out of this with a victory and inflate expectations going into a likely loss at Auburn, or lose and go into a likely loss at Auburn with lowered expectations. Either way we think Spurrier comes out the better for it. Poor Mikey can’t win either way with the lynch mob waiting at home for him in Tuscaloosa. Then again, we can’t feel that much pity for Shula, since he’s had to overcome so much in life to get where he is…especially that whole, “last name is Shula” thing he’s got going on there.

Mike Shula: Could have Cock Trouble in September.

3. September 17: Tennessee at Florida. September 17th, by the way, will be a very busy day in the SEC, as well as a banner day for the fried chicken and liquor industry. Oh, we may have picked this one for sentimental reasons, since after the UT-UF game someone always ends up drunk and crying on the floor, holding their ass and calling out to God “Why, why?” in a tear-choked scream. But enough about our childhoods: this game is a real nut breaker for either team. For Florida, this is the litmus test for year one of Urban Renewal: will the Gators be able to shake off the miasma of the Zook years and play the kind of disciplined ball Meyer demands from his teams, or will the ghost of Mr. Positivity hang around for another stultifying performance against their true rival? Our guess is that the cobwebs will hang around for a bit longer, with Meyer doing everything shy of physically assaulting players after the loss to reshape the program in his own image. That might very well include a change at qb if the loss is bad enough. For UT, a loss here would be much, much worse, though. Expectations, the great executioner of coaches and programs alike, are brimming in Knoxville. By law this means at one point UT is due for a letdown, which is just as likely in the Swamp as anywhere else (although we’ve picked UT’s more likely letdown a bit further down the page.) Eric Ainge throws picks under pressure, and it will cost them one game this season, either at Notre Dame or at Florida. A loss and UT’s season is shot/shit/shat. A loss for UF means Urban Meyer makes his players toss boulders in practice and fight unmuzzled bears for a starting spot. Either way, this is going to be a fight like The Story of Rikki-Oh, with the winner choking the loser to death with their own intestines.
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