In a moment of temporary sanity, Jerry Glanville has decided not to take a job coaching a D-II team in Aberdeen, S.D. and instead has taken the defensive coordinator position at Hawaii with old Falcons buddy June Jones.
We think this is a remarkable story for a number of reasons. First, Jerry Glanville actually displayed remarkable sanity in deciding to coach in a tropical paradise over Aberdeen, S.D. He can throw nine players over the line of scrimmage as often as he likes, play eighteen any day of the week he chooses (except for Saturday, and who knows about that, really,) and he won’t have to plug his car into a socket to keep the engine from freezing dead in the subzero temperatures.
Second, we look forward to Glanville’s inevitable embrace of the Magnum P.I look, hopefully sans short shorts. We predict he shows up to the first day of practice in a Ferrari wearing a mustache, floral shirt, and Tigers baseball cap.
Third, this means Hawaii gets more tv exposure than usual, since they’ll be throwing the ball 55 times a game and blitzing the hell out of their opponents all day long. While it might make the football fundies reach for the remote, we’ll savor the late night ESPN2 game where Hawaii scores 72 and loses in a game where the wideouts start to collapse in mid-run due to dehydration in the late second quarter.
Fourth, it’s our first link to the great Len Pasquarelli, the second greatest football writer on the planet. Really. We’re just blushing as we type this.
Magnum: a huge Warriors fan, I’m sure.
Hat tip to Paul Finebaum, who in addition to being a superb beat writer for the Mobile Register also pulls off-season filler from his ass with the ease of a savvy pro. Finebaum, who we’d take in a death match pit fight over the AJC’s Tony Barnhart any day, rolls out Alabama’s schedule and picks each game right down to the scores. His call? 7-4, with wins at South Carolina and Miss. State. We’re thinking Finebaum’s playing a little home ball here-wouldn’t the timing of an SC upset by Spurrier’s reprobate reconstruction project be perfect? Wouldn’t the babyfaced Shula play the perfect patsy for the Evil Genius? Isn’t this just the kind of shit Spurrier excels at? No one wants to play SC this year, if only because no one wants to be the first “gotcha!” game for the Gamecocks. Bama would be a perfect first scalp for a resurgent program, and we’re betting they give theirs up at Columbia.
Oh, and Bama will lose to Arkansas, if only because of the Houston Nutt principle: win the games you’re supposed to lose, lose the games you’re supposed to win. At Alabama just a week after playing USC in Cali sounds like a triple-overtime Houston Nutt special, complete with a connected Hail Mary, blocked punt, and fluky-ass turnovers. Here’s calling Bama at 6-5, with one very threatened Mike Shula exiting at season’s end despite winning one he shouldn’t along the way.
Can Bama defeat this madman and his hexes? We think not…
-ASU running back Loren Wade arrested on suspicion of killing a man outside a nightclub in Tempe. Wade allegedly shot Brandon Falkner, 25, in the head after seeing Falkner talking to his girlfriend. “We have more than enough witnesses,” said Sam Bailey, Scottdale police investigator on the case.
-USC starting corner Eric Wright arrested on investigation of sexual assault. We really prefer posting stories about players stealing gay sheep to this…
-In what constitutes comic relief to the stories mentioned above, two Central Arkansas players plead in a counterfeiting case.
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