TALL DEFORMED ADOLESCENTS ROBBING US OF OUR ATTENTION SPAN

We've been a bit distracted by this odd indoor game lately, a most curious thing that occurs in group settings during the months not involving football. There's a hoop...a ball...and some other stuff, and though I don't quite get the whole concept behind it, they do have one thing I find superior to college football.

You see, at the end of each season, tho' they've played all their games, they feel the need to crown one team a champion. Deciding that voting on such a thing would be silly and unscientific, they allow a slew of teams-some quite small and atrocious, but nevertheless eligible-to compete on a national stage with the titans of the scene. They pair off teams, rewarding those with good records by pairing them against lesser "seeds", and let them decide who the best team really is by-gadzooks!-playing the game.

Oddly enough, no one complains about the lack of say, quirky traditionalism in the system. No one seems to miss, say, geriatric boosters in oddly colored jackets dillying about the place, or festive parades celebrating the event. In fact, the whole thing is so businesslike that scads of money can be made in just the short span of three weeks! Shovels full, I tell you! And with a real champion crowned at the end!

What folly! Oh, I shall miss the deformed giants with their squeaky shoes when their mad party ends. Pity they play a game without the merits of the bowl system. Wheresoever shall they get their gift bags and commemorative baseball caps? And the festive parades...oh, and what of the greeters? Who'll feed the unemployed greeters if we adopted such a mad system?

Myles Brand loves the BCS, and so should you, you fucking ingrate.