Do we begin stacking the kindling for Gary Barnett’s funeral pyre at Colorado now? We thought a grand jury investigation was enough to make boosters nervous enough to boot Barnett, but evidently the brilliant strategy of “we will be exonerated” has now soured into “hide the hookers and the slush funds muy pronto.”(And haven’t we all had those weekends?)

The funniest thing about all of this is the central role Barnett has played in orchestrating this whole clusterfuck. Barnett is one of our nation’s certified “genius” coaches, which always makes us think less of Stephen Hawking and more of Wile E. Coyote sitting in front of a blueprint of a catapult and a rocket sled. He makes his own rules! He fake punts from his own ten! He outcoached Frank Solich…once or twice!

Gary Barnett
Gary Barnett, Super Genius

He also allegedly took funds from football camps and funneled it directly into slush funds that, according to the testimony, paid for hookers for CU football players and recruits. The dads who shelled out hundreds of dollars to send their middle schoolers were inadvertently funding Coach Gary’s Ho-Jo hoes for promising recruits.

Barnett’s playing it legalistic-like here, not saying shit about the allegations re: the prostitutes but claiming that the slush fund was justly culled from the entry fees paid by football camp entrants. Smart, but not exactly the exonerating, calming influence CU has to want from the head of its already wobbly football program tangled up in an increasingly embarrassing grand jury investigation.

On the upside, we now know the role women can play in the Colorado football program. Kicker? No. Playing naked center for a burly 18 year-old qb prospect from Steamboat Springs with no pants on at the Comfort Inn? Yes!