Stranko thinks we need to have some reason to post this, but we evidently need to review the posting rules with him at our next editorial meeting. We need no reason to post anything, especially something involving Fiddy Cent and firearms.
Some important questions here, though: Why is someone trying to shoot Fiddy? Don’t they know that bullets aren’t enough? He’s like Wolverine in the X-Men; you’ll have to pull the adamantium from his bones and lock him in a salt mine for a decade just to make him mad. That or force him to do a duet with Ja Rule; either way he’ll end up starving.
Also: why doesn’t this happen every week? I thought getting shot was a prerequisite for hanging out with Fiddy. This shouldn’t be news. Being a member of Fiddy’s entourage and getting shot is only news if they get shot multiple times in a single shooting. You’d also have to cut a couple of tracks before going to the ER just to keep up your rep.
Do we begin stacking the kindling for Gary Barnett’s funeral pyre at Colorado now? We thought a grand jury investigation was enough to make boosters nervous enough to boot Barnett, but evidently the brilliant strategy of “we will be exonerated” has now soured into “hide the hookers and the slush funds muy pronto.”(And haven’t we all had those weekends?)
The funniest thing about all of this is the central role Barnett has played in orchestrating this whole clusterfuck. Barnett is one of our nation’s certified “genius” coaches, which always makes us think less of Stephen Hawking and more of Wile E. Coyote sitting in front of a blueprint of a catapult and a rocket sled. He makes his own rules! He fake punts from his own ten! He outcoached Frank Solich…once or twice!
Gary Barnett, Super Genius
He also allegedly took funds from football camps and funneled it directly into slush funds that, according to the testimony, paid for hookers for CU football players and recruits. The dads who shelled out hundreds of dollars to send their middle schoolers were inadvertently funding Coach Gary’s Ho-Jo hoes for promising recruits.
Barnett’s playing it legalistic-like here, not saying shit about the allegations re: the prostitutes but claiming that the slush fund was justly culled from the entry fees paid by football camp entrants. Smart, but not exactly the exonerating, calming influence CU has to want from the head of its already wobbly football program tangled up in an increasingly embarrassing grand jury investigation.
On the upside, we now know the role women can play in the Colorado football program. Kicker? No. Playing naked center for a burly 18 year-old qb prospect from Steamboat Springs with no pants on at the Comfort Inn? Yes!
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