Pooh-Bear, Where have you gone?
Pooh-Bear, overcome with emotion. Or hunger. Wait, he’s gonna charge…
After much deliberation-and a few too many glasses of Merlot last night-we’ve finalized the 1st annual All Name Team, Offensive starters. (All twenty of our loyal readers just let loose a resounding “HUZZAH,” if only because they just postponed the delivery of their next TPS report.) Remember our precise methodology here:

1. If we could remember them off the top of our head, then they made the list.
2. It helps to be black or Polynesian.
3. It helps to play on a team that plays on tv from time to time.
4. If your name includes a homonym for anything remotely scatological or profane, you’re likely to be a first-teamer. Sadly, we couldn’t find an NCAA player with the name Dildeau Pupenshitz, but we can dream, can’t we?
5. It helps to play for FSU. Having a great name is a prerequisite for all players in Tallahassee.
So now, our esteemed first teamers on Offense:

(more…)